7. Allow them the opportunity to deal with disappointment and loss. Life is full of them. Sometimes you have to say "no" even when you want to say yes. Don't try and fix things or make life perfect. Even if you had the power to do so (which you don't), it wouldn't be in their best interest to do so. Learning to deal with disappointment and loss is incredibly important.
8. Give them the opportunity to make choices whenever possible and live with the consequences (both good and bad). Choices replace ultimatums. Understanding this will serve them well in future relationships. Even as adults we need to communicate choices to one another rather than ultimatums. Choices are powerful, ultimatums aren't. It's all in the delivery.
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9. Accept and celebrate your children for who they are, not who you wish they were. We are always sending subtle or not so subtle messages on who we really want our children to be — what career, hobbies, friends, likes and dislikes — so monitor this and make corrections when needed. Everyone wants to be understood and accepted for who they are. We thrive under these conditions!
10. Let your children know how much you love them every single day. Find the ways that feel best for your children and demonstrate your love in the ways that feel best for them. Even when your adolescent is rejecting you, don't dismiss their need for love. Sometimes when we feel the need to push our loved ones away is the very time we want and need them to stay close. Be the anchor your children crave. Be the love they hold in their hearts. 5 Truths About Long-Term Committed Relationships
Again, your children learn the art of relationships from their relationship with you. So throw out the "do as I say, not as I do" routine and start creating powerful relationships with them. I promise this can be done. I'm here to help. Please feel free to send me your questions at www.julieorlov.com/contact.
Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery
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