Single & Looking? Separate The Hype From The Truth

Singles have become a huge and lucrative market for savvy marketers. There are a lot of people out there taking advantage of single people looking for love. They see these individuals as desperate, needy, and gullible. They will sell you a lot of baloney on the promise that they can deliver “happily ever after.”  They have all the right words, promises, magical solutions, and bonuses galore, all of which depend on you believing a lot of hype and ignoring a lot of truth. I am appalled at what lengths some people will go to sell singles. They prey on your fears and insecurities. They create urgency where there is none. They claim they have expertise when in fact they have little to none. As with so many industries, the levels of mastery and standards have been watered down. I have seen this tragedy in my own field of personal development and mental health.

While the internet has created access to valuable information and resources, it has also created an opportunity for others to claim and create the illusion of excellence where there may be none. Now, don’t get me wrong. There are plenty of ethical people out there offering legitimate valuable services and products—but it can be difficult to distinguish the good guys from the bad. So in pursuit of honoring those of us that take our ethical standards and professional integrity seriously, I want to offer you some guidelines so that you will not be victim to those that simply want to make a buck at your expense.

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Don’t believe that…

• You will bring in your soul mate simply by lighting candles, holding crystals, or cleaning out one side of your closet. This is not how the law of attraction works. It is not magic and your knight in shining armor or princess in waiting will not magically appear because you have chanted him or her to do so.
• You have to act and be a certain way to “get” someone to like you, date you, or even marry you. Approaching love and relationships from a perspective of control and manipulation lacks integrity and power. It’s a disaster in waiting.
• No one will love you unless you love yourself first. First of all, I’m not sure we would all agree on how to define loving yourself. We all love ourselves to a greater or lesser degree. We are all a work in progress. I’ve worked with thousands of people who have ranged from having great self-esteem to self-loathing and I’ve seen some of the most wounded and self-deprecating people meet and create incredibly loving relationships with others. You do not have to be a completely “put together” person in order to love and be loved.
• Like attracts like. It is not uncommon for smart, successful, and savvy men and women to find themselves involved with a person that ends up being a disaster. You can attract someone who is more or less wounded than you. Remember, no one is issue free.
• The internet, a friend, a coach, or a matchmaker can make love happen for you. There are so many factors that go into two people meeting at the right time in the right place. And while people and websites can introduce you to others who are also looking for love, none can guarantee a match. No business or person can package and control this mystery of life.