As you continue to obsess over your ex, your friends and family take notice. They can’t listen to you talk about your ex anymore. They beg you to get help as they watch you drown in your helplessness and resistance to letting go. You start to withdraw from them as your need to focus on your ex exceeds that of appeasing your closest friends and family’s concerns. Your need to connect with your ex has taken on a life of its own.
You continue to find ways to communicate and connect, despite the response for your ex. As your ex begins to express annoyance at your persistency, your anger begins to rise. Eventually your ex ignores your communications. Your anger turns to rage and your desire to regain control over this relationship explodes. “How dare she not return my calls. Why is she torturing me like this—she could at least acknowledge my existence; don’t I deserve this after all I did for her?” “I can’t believe he’s not responding to my messages. I can’t believe he’s able to move on so quickly. What an asshole. Believe me, I will find a way to get him to respond.” Your obsession with getting him to respond intensifies. You’re determined to find a way to reconnect or at least feel like you are no longer “cut-off.”
All your energy is now spent on tracking your ex. Your ability to see things rationally has completely disappeared. Something else has taken over. You must have your revenge. You must get back the control. And you will stop at nothing in order to do so. “She will never be with anyone else but me. I will see to that.” “I’ll show him what it feels like to be played and toyed with.” Your behaviors begin to escalate. You call in sick and spend your days following your ex’s every move. You seek to intimidate and threaten her. You just want to be near him. You simply can’t help yourself. You are in full blown stalker mode.
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Everyone can see themselves somewhere in the story described above at one time or another. How you deal with a breakup can vary from one situation to another. Sometimes you can move through an ending with emotional maturity and stability. Sometimes the need to stay connected results in less than admirable deeds. Sometimes you may be embarrassed at the things you did and how you tortured yourself unnecessarily. And sometimes you can cross the line into stalking behaviors.
If you find yourself struggling with an ending or are on the other side of someone who is becoming more obsessive, please contact me. When an ending hits you that hard, there is something very important for you to see and heal. Take advantage of the opportunity so that your next relationship can be the one that works.
As always, I’m here to support you in creating strong and powerful relationships.
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