Endings, Obsessions, and Stalkers

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Endings, Obsessions, and Stalkers
Learn how to deal with endings and be on the look out for trouble brewing. Not all endings go well.

You sit silently while you hear those dreaded words “I just don’t think this relationship is going to work.” You know the time for pleas on giving it one more try is gone. There is no need to argue. You feel the certainty and finality of the words. And when you find the strength to stand up, you walk away knowing that you will never be with this person again. The beginning of the end is here. This journey you must walk alone. And it is a painful path.

You understand that while it will be painful for a while, the pain will eventually subside and a new love will be there waiting for you when the time is right. After a good cry, you begin to think about how you can get through the rough road ahead with the least amount of pain. You call your best friends and let them know what happened. You decide to take that judo class you’ve wanted to take for the past year. You are grateful that work is incredibly busy as it will help take your focus off your pain for major parts of the day. You settle into the grief and allow the process to unfold.

 

After the shock has passed, you find yourself suddenly panicking. “How will I live without him?” “Why is she doing this to me?” You start to bargain with yourself, your ex, and your god. If only you could convince him that he still really loves you. If only you can show her how much you really care. You go from anger to sadness to acceptance to panic and back again. You are now in throes of letting go and you the withdrawals come at you with unimaginable force.

Sometime, somehow, something goes awry.  What started out as anxiety has now transformed into pure panic. You don’t want to be alone. You don’t want to be without this person. You are determined to feel the connection so that you assuage the angst of feeling empty and unanchored. You think about your ex all the time, going over again and again what went wrong and how you can make it right. You start to call but stop yourself. You decide to drive by his house instead and see if he’s home. You hang out in the same places you know she does in order to find out if she’s dating anyone new. You check your Facebook page 100 times a day, looking for anything that will tell you what he is doing and who he is doing it with. You start to send Facebook messages and texts to her in hopes that she will respond and agree to at least be friends. Anything is better than facing the loneliness and emptiness that looms over your heart and head.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Julie Orlov

Counselor/Therapist

Julie Orlov, MAOL, MSW, LCSW
Relationship Builder

Speaker, Psychotherapist, Coach and Author of The Pathway to Love:
Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery
jorlov@julieorlov.com www.julieorlov.com
www.julieorlovconsulting.com
310-379-5855

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Location: Hermosa Beach, CA
Credentials: LCSW, MSW, Other
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