Can Separateness Create Togetherness?


Can Separateness Create Togetherness?
Taking time out from your relationship for yourself creates a stronger "we" and "I". Learn more...

When you are in a relationship, it becomes easy to rely on the comfort of the partnership. Feeling connected to your significant other can create an illusion that your security and sense of comfort comes from the relationship, not from your “center.” When you’ve been in a long-term relationship this dynamic can become so engrained that being separated from your significant other will create unnecessary anxiety. If this is the case, you are at risk for being in a dysfunctional, dependent relationship that causes stagnation and toxicity.

Being a part of a “We” is a wonderful experience. Our connection with each other is the foundation of our humanity. However, if you give up any of your “I” in order to maintain the “We”, you are on your way to trouble.

Here’s what I suggest. Make sure you retain or create interests, time, and passions for yourself. Doing so will prevent you from losing yourself in the relationship. Taking time away from your significant other keeps you confident and secure in the fact that you can make your way in the world on your own. This only makes you more interesting. It enables you to replenish yourself independent of the relationship and keeps your relationship healthy and alive.

So, the question is “Do you want to keep your relationship full of vitality?” Then make sure you regularly take time off and reconnect with yourself.

In celebration of this sentiment, I’ve decided to take the next week and do just that for myself! Have a wonderful week. I will be back in touch after the Fourth of July holiday week—refreshed, energized, and ready to fully re-engage.

Be well,

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at

Create Relationships in Your Life That Work — learn more at


This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Julie Orlov


Julie Orlov, MAOL, MSW, LCSW
Relationship Builder

Speaker, Psychotherapist, Coach and Author of The Pathway to Love:
Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Linked-In


Location: Hermosa Beach, CA
Credentials: LCSW, MSW, Other
Other Articles/News by Julie Orlov:

10 Awesome (And Not-So-Awesome) Reasons You're Single


Too many people feel like they're sentenced to a lifetime of loneliness and singlehood. They see themselves as failures because they haven’t found the one or have found and lost the one more than once. I'd like to offer another perspective on the issue. For those of you who feel like you've somehow failed at love, think again. In truth, ... Read more

R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Find Out What It Means To YOU!


Mutual respect is key to successful relationships. Marriages take two people committed to the covenants of respect, and while every couple has the right and responsibility to define what that means to them, I'd thought I'd give you my definition (in acronym form) of RESPECT. Respond to each other's feelings and concerns in a thoughtful and non ... Read more

Don't Let Your Ex Sabotage Your Future


Even when you're ready to start dating after a breakup, your last relationship may be getting in the way. For example, if your ex was a great lover, you may compare his love making to every potential partner that comes your way. If your new love interest doesn't measure up, you may focus on the comparison, dismissing all the unique, wonderful qualities ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Most Popular