4. "I love you." I promise, this is a gift that gives back over and over again. Let your spouse know what you love about him/her and let him/her know often. People really won't mind hearing over and over again how you love something about them. It helps keep the focus on what is good and takes the focus off those little things that may drive you crazy. Remember, you can talk yourself into feeling love for your partner just as easily as you can talk yourself into feeling frustrated. Why not focus on those things you love? It will make your spouse feel good about you and it will be a win for your marriage.
5. "How?" or "What?" When you ask someone, "What was it about my tone that bothered you?" you give someone permission to share their feelings and thoughts without judgment. When you ask someone, "How did you come to that conclusion?" you give someone a chance to explain their perspective without becoming defensive. In other words, stay away from the word "why." That only promotes defensiveness. "What" and "how" promote open, honest communication.
Being aware of the words you choose can make the difference between a conversation going well or going south. Learning new ways of communicating and relating to each other is not easy. Couples get trapped into certain ways of relating that were established early on in the relationship. If you or someone you know needs help in learning how to communicate effectively and lovingly, please contact me. I am here to provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don't need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. Take the time to practice and use this language in your daily conversations. I promise, it will make a difference — starting now!
P.S. And don't forget to catch my radio/TV show Pathways to Love w'Julie Orlov LIVE every Sunday 1:30pm PST on LATalkLive! Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery. Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz. Create Relationships in Your Life That Work — learn more at www.julieorlov.com