5. "Divorce." Threatening to divorce, suggesting divorce as an option, or accusing your spouse of destroying the marriage will lead to just that. A divorce is a very serious decision, and using it as a weapon or method of control creates anxiety and despair. It's not conducive for effective communication, conflict resolution, problem solving, or intimacy.
Take the time to think about the impact of your words before you speak to your spouse. Consider what you want to create with the communication. Create a powerful and loving intention rather than one that is meant to hurt, control, scare or push away the person you love. Find words that are conducive to creating intimacy. These might include phrases like, "I notice that when I [blank], you react by [blank]. When you do [blank], I feel [blank]. It would mean a lot to me if you would [blank], because when you do, I feel [blank]." And: "I want our marriage to feel good to both of us. How can we approach things in a way that makes us both feel heard, appreciated, accepted, and loved?"
Learning new ways of communicating and relating to each other is not easy. Couples get trapped into certain ways of relating that have been established early on in the relationship. If you or someone you know needs help in learning how to communicate effectively and lovingly, please contact me. I am here to provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, purchase "The Pathway to Love" at-home program. You don't need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve.
Julie Orlov is a psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships Through Self-Discovery. Retrieve your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if your relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz. Create relationships in your life that work: Learn more at www.julieorlov.com.