5 Things You Must Know Before Getting Divorced

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5 Things You Must Know Before Getting Divorced [EXPERT]
Thinking of getting divorced? Here are five steps to navigate this process with ease and integrity.

3. Remember that your spouse is feeling the same kinds of emotions and fears as you. Be compassionate as opposed to angry and vindictive. No one wants a marriage to end. You both are feeling a loss. You both are feeling anxious and a lack of control. This is what leads to the chaos more than anything else.

Beware of reacting to aggressive behaviors from an "out of control" spouse. This only leads to increased hostility and legal fees. It will be helpful to acknowledge the challenges you both face and work to find solutions that empower everyone involved. The Power Of Intentions: Thriving Through Divorce

4. Find solutions that are legally, practically and morally just. You don't want to be a doormat and give up your legal rights. At the same time, you want to find solutions that will work in the long run towards a cooperative and peaceful ex-relationship. This is particularly true when you have children under the age of 18.

Sometimes, it's better to give up something in the short run in order to gain something more valuable in the long run. Make sure your motivations are coming from your best intentions. Don't let your anger and hurt lead the way.

5. Get a divorce coach or therapist who can help guide you through the process. It is extremely important to have someone neutral and professional to advise you along the way and let you know when your emotions are getting in the way of constructive problem solving. You deserve support in working through all your feelings. You need a sounding board to make sure your intentions are aligned with your values and highest good.

Get an advocate. And while friends and family are a great source of support, they are not neutral.

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Julie Orlov

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Julie Orlov, MAOL, MSW, LCSW
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