Here's what his controlling behaviors are all about:
—His own sense of helplessness and powerlessness;
—Getting someone else (like you) to make him feel okay;
—Wanting to hand-off his own anxieties so he doesn't have to deal with them himself;
—Ensuring that you will never abandon or reject him;
—Projecting his deepest fears of being inadequate and unlovable.
His controlling behaviors are never about you. Here are five steps to getting out from under his control:
1. Get your power back. The quickest way to do this is to be willing to walk away from the relationship if need be. This enables you to move forward with the next steps from a place of power, not a place of fear.
2. Set limits on his criticism and emotional outbursts. Let your partner know that you are open to hearing his concerns about your actions and how they impact him, but will no longer engage in conversations that attack who you are as a person.
3. Consider your partner's concerns. What are you willing to do for him? What is completely off the table? Make sure you align these requests with your personal well-being and integrity. Don't agree to do things simply in order to keep the peace or save the relationship, especially if deep down you know it isn't right for you.
4. Be clear and honest with yourself first, then your partner. Consider your values, goals and needs. Make sure your decisions are in alignment with your highest self, needs and all. Let him know what you can and can't do for him. Whatever you do, do not be intimidated. Have a powerful "no" and make it clear that he will need to accept the "no." If he can't, then it may be best for the two of you to part ways.
5. Find people and experiences that celebrate who you are. Find ways to reconnect with the powerful person you truly are, i.e. someone that would never tolerate being treated in such a manner. Engage and connect with other people that support and love you for exactly who you are. 10 Tips For Finding Love In the New Year