When Your Guy's MANNERS Are Lacking...

By

When Your Guy's MANNERS Are Lacking...
Your date didn't open your car door and he talks with his mouth full -- should you dump him?

And then we all get to practice asking for what really matters to us.  My husband, Gil is kinda like John, in that it rarely occurs to him to open a car door for me and he "forgets" to walk on the street side of the sidewalk. Little things like that, which make me feel not so special -- so I practice letting him know how important those things are to ME, reminding him and asking for what I need and want. And then I have to remember to notice and appreciate the little things that he does do for me that are HIS little ways of showing me he cares, like the egg white omelet he just brought to me... and the rose garden he created for me outside my office window.

Dump the guy because of his manners, or lack of manners?  I'd say...not so quick.  Rather,  keep wrestling with is the expectation element. Women tend to have higher standards than men do about manners, and it's likely that most of the men we date will fall short on one area or more. So then we get to decide if it's an issue that's manageable, fixable or worth dumping him for...

Finding a suitable and compatible partner in some ways becomes more and more difficult as we age, because we get so firmly entrenched in the way we want and expect things to be.  It's natural, so just catch yourself before you jump to a quick conculsion as to whether a particular gentleman is acceptable or not. Give him the benefit of the doubt and play with your own communication so you can find ways of asking for what you want from a man in a way that boosts him up and makes him want to provide this touch of class for you. 

And then when he DOES do that sweet little thing that tickles your feminine spirit, let him know...and he'll do it again... and again... Men really do want to make us happy, and if we help them learn what makes us happy, we give them a chance to win with us.  That puffs him up and gives him more confidence, which serves us -- as we love confidence in a man.  So it's a positive cycle that feeds upon itself.

 

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Julie Ferman

Dating Coach

Julie Ferman, Founder

www.JulieFerman.com

Awarded Best Matchmaker: 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010 by iDate and Online Personals Watch

Location: Westlake Village, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Life Management, Matchmaking
Other Articles/News by Julie Ferman:

Don’t Let Your Phone Kill Your Flirt

By

Our cell phones, our communication devices, are killing our flirting opportunities. Single love seekers who flirt well have a distinct advantage, as they get to meet, engage and connect with lots more people, dramatically increasing their chances of finding a keeper. Today’s peskiest flirting obstacle? Our cell phones and mobile devices, which ... Read more

How to Tell if He’s Looking for Marriage

By

You’re a single woman, in your twenties or thirties. You’re looking for marriage and kids but you don’t want to waste your precious ‘fertility years’ dating men who are not interested in or ready for marriage and family. Good for you! Here’s the conundrum, and the solution. As a professional matchmaker in Los Angeles, ... Read more

Feel Meh About A Guy You're Dating? Don't Throw Him Away

By

How good are you at dating? Answer this question to find out. If you were invited to a singles party, where you could only come if you brought a thoroughly desirable opposite sex friend with you, who would you invite? Would you have several candidates you could call? If not, you're making a cardinal dating mistake — you're burning your ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB