Matchmaker’s Advice for Widows & Widowers


Matchmaker’s Advice for Widows & Widowers

You’re widowed and you’re dating again.  Good for you!  Congratulations on having the courage to get “out there” again.

As a personal matchmaker since 1990, I’ve worked with thousands of single widows and single widowers and it’s an honor and a joy for me to serve this particular niche in our Los Angeles Matchmaking community.


And I have some great news for you if you are widowed and dating. I’ve discovered through the years as a  personal matchmaker that if you’ve loved deeply and successfully before, then you’re much more likely to find love again.  It’s good to hear this from a seasoned Los Angeles dating coach, Yes?  Here’s the secret dating tip for widows and widowers.

Discipline yourself to focus on the present moment.

Be really careful not to compare.  One of the biggest challenges in dating as a widow or a widower is that the person who shows up on the date has to compete with the person you have in your mind, which is the ideal man (or the ideal woman) who happens to have many of the characteristics that your former spouse had, plus likely some qualities that your former spouse didn’t even have.

It’s a tough bill to fill for anyone but I know you can do it.

Enjoy your passions again, with someone else.

It can be intimidating to be the “new date” who’s competing with decades of memories from a past love.  Here’s how Gene is approaching his finding-love-again mission. Gene is one of our gentlemen clients. He is a single, widowed man who is 57 years old, a successful business owner whose wife shared so many passions — they did everything together — gardening, cooking, hiking, camping, mountain climbing, playing chess, watching NBA Basketball – they were attached at the hip.  Gene’s wrestling with the reality that it’s unlikely that he’ll find another partner who enjoys and can participate in each of these activities with him.  So he’s practicing being in the moment, in the present, looking for common ground and shared passions with the women he’s meeting now.

The woman we introduced Gene to last weekend has a passion for painting, especially wildflowers, something he’s never been exposed to.  He called me today to let me know that the two of them are going to do something creative and adventurous this coming Saturday.  They’ll head to his favorite park, where she’ll be painting while he takes a five-mile power hike, and they’re both bringing goodies for a picnic afterward.  They’re stretching, learning, growing, adapting — I like their chances together.

Build a list of actionable to-dos.

This article was originally published at Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by

Julie Ferman

Dating Coach

Julie Ferman, Founder

Awarded Best Matchmaker: 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010 by iDate and Online Personals Watch

Location: Westlake Village, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Life Management, Matchmaking
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