First, I am going to give you the bad news. If you are a catch (you're nice looking, your career is on track, your character is rock solid, and you're fun and funny) then you're also going to be selective. You will want to date girls who get lots of attention from other guys because she is also a catch. This is especially true if you're targeting a woman in what I call, "the Golden Bubble," or between the ages 27 to 34. Those are key years because those women are old enough to have their heads screwed on pretty straight, and young enough to have plenty of fertility years ahead of them. Women like that get 100 emails in their first hour on Match.com or Plenty of Fish. You have lots of competition for their attention.
Now the good news. Most of your competitors are messing up big time with this girl. She's thoroughly creeped out with online dating, she's grossed out by the gropers and the cat calls and she's mortified by the sloppy, lazy dating behavior that she sees all around her. And she can't help it; she finds herself fantasizing, hoping for, even expecting, that her prince will show up magically to grab her and to whisk her away on that white horse to the castle she's been dreaming about since she was in kindergarten.
So to get the girl, you want to do the opposite of what your lazy and narcissistic competitors are doing. Below is a list of fatal first date f*%k ups (a.k.a. stuff you should not do on dates).
- Be Late for the date. This girl you're meeting is adorable, sought after, in demand and she's giving you a shot. Don't be the loser who shows up 10 minutes late. In fact, be the one who gets there a few minutes early to score the perfect table. When she arrives, she will see you looking calm and relaxed and she will be relieved and impressed.
- Wear sloppy or super casual clothing. Don't be the guy who shows up in tired old sneakers, a ratty t-shirt and the dreaded baseball cap. Be a man instead; wear nice shoes, a button down shirt and well-pressed pants. And it wouldn't kill you to shower that day either.
- Act Distracted. When your phone buzzes, ignore it. If you check your phone (or check out other girls in the room), I can guarantee you that you will not be getting a second date. Give your date the gift of your undivided attention. There are few things that will win her over more.
- Be Stingy. First dates don't have to be over dinner at the Four Seasons. Creativity counts though, as does strength and generosity. Pick a spot that's affordable for you, but also someplace pretty or interesting for her. Meeting for coffee or drinks? Not a problem, but find an appetizer to share — don't let her leave hungry. Always graciously pick up the tab for the first date, even if she sincerely offers to help. And if you really want to be her prince? Make sure she gets to her car safely or spring for both of your valet parking tickets, including a couple of bucks for the valet guys.
- Move Too Fast. This girl you're hot for? She wants and needs to be respected and cherished, and her alarm buttons will sound loudly whenever she senses that the guy she's with wants her body more than her soul. Affection is fine; if you think things are going well, go ahead and place your hand on her back as you leave the table, touch her arm or stroke her hair. You can feel things out to see if she's receptive, but don't dive in for the slobbery kiss and definitely don't be the groper. Leave her wanting more and show her the same kind of respect you'd hope would be shown to your little sister on a date.
- Act too cool like you don't care. You know this guy, right? Typical single guy. Maybe he's spoiled, entitled, damaged goods, an emotional wreck, a narcissist, or maybe just received some bad dating advice in his life. These guys text a girl at 10PM to ask if she wants to "hang out" or are so self-absorbed that they wait three days before sending a lame "What's up?" text. If you like her, call her the next day, let her know you had a great time and ask her out again. Women love a man with a plan, so offer up a couple of fun ideas for an activity date that you know she'll enjoy. For instance, you could recommend going to an art fair, a food festival, a concert or a cool new restaurant you've wanted to check out.
Avoid these pitfalls and you'll be the guy who stands out, who gets the second date, the third and, eventually, the girl.
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