6 Tips To Make Marriage Counseling Work


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What you and your partner can do to make the most of couples therapy.

4. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt.

We tend to jump to conclusions, especially with people we know well. However, there's a good chance that you've made some assumptions about your partner's motives that aren't true, and vice versa. Be honest about your assumptions and willing to put them out there for a reality-check. Stay curious about what your partner thinks and feels, pick their brain, just like you would when listening to a famous author you admire.


5. Learn to be independent.

Marriage was never meant to fulfill all of our needs. Even in the best of relationships, there will be times when you're bored, lonely, have the blues, are worried, or feel ashamed. Maybe you'll catch your partner at a good moment and they will be able to assure you, but maybe you won't. Rather than being a half person who is completed by your partner, strive to be your own full person” That might mean learning some things you can do for yourself outside of your relationship.

6. Take divorce off the table at least for now.

You might be feeling very little hope for your relationship right now. One or both of you may come to marriage counseling as the final attempt to save your relationship. Don't worry, that’s very common. But consider this: It is very difficult to instill hope for the relationship when the death of the relationship is constantly looming above it. The question isn't whether you're committed for life, but whether you both can commit right now to working hard in therapy on your relationship by taking permanent separation off the table for the time being.

There's always time to divorce, but there may not always be time to work on your marriage. If you make the effort of investing time and money, give it all you can.

This article was originally published at New Start Therapy with Julia Flood . Reprinted with permission.
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