Relationships evolve and old patterns of behavior emerge.Conflicts can be solved in new ways.
When two people are just starting a relationship, they do their best to present only their best and most attractive attributes to the other party. They want to show their most favorable attributes to each other and work hard to meet the needs of the partner. They want to appear strong, confident and willing to compromise.
Next Level of Love
When the relationship proceeds to the next level, which is marriage or living together, new stresses are brought to bear and conflicts over possessions, space and personalities start to come out. The bloom is off the rose, so to speak. The day to day demands of life form a more accurate picture of the parties.
What was a cute little personality quirk when dating is an irritating thorn in the side of harmony when coupled. If his answer to any request is "soon." the strain and resentment build up. This may cause a natural reaction of fight or flight in the partner who is left smelling the garbage that has not been removed.
For the relationship to continue to evolve both want to feel:
Each person has learned a method of handling conflict, usually by watching how their parents handled problems. Even if we were unhappy with their methods, we tend to model our own styles after a significant adult in our formative years.
It takes effort to confront our behaviors and beliefs and change them to be more effective.
Many people consider conflict a necessary part of life. It isn't. It is possible to overcome past hurts and learn to success full problem solve immediate concerns. it is also possible to fix damage that has been done in the past and heal the relationship.
Collaborative and Cooperative Relationships
One of the main ways to stop the fight or flight and learn to communicate is breathe.
Yes, I said breathe deeply for at least ten times before reacting to a stressful situation. this will signal your brain to slow down and choose your options.
You can opt for a more collaborative and cooperative solution that does not damage the spirit of the other person or the relationship.
It may take some time, but like all skills, it get easier with practice. Soon it will become second nature and you will be living in a more peaceful, productive and loving relationship.
(c) Judy H. Wright http://www.ArtichokePress.com You have permission to reprint this article in your blog, ezine or offline magazine as long as you keep the content and contact information intact. Thank You.
Artichoke Press is the home site of Judy H. Wright, family relationship coach and author. If your organization would like to schedule Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer, for a workshop please call 406.549.9813.
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