What Can You Do About Toxic Connections With Your Ex?

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What Can You Do About Toxic Connections With Your Ex?
Letting go and moving forward post-divorce is scary, but so much healthier.

She really needs to apologize to me. "Needs to," does not ever belong in the same sentence as your ex. Your ex probably didn't do a lot of things she "needed to do" when you were married.  You think you're going to get her to do them now? Nope, you're not. Detox. You don't actually need an apology. Forgiveness is something you give because, among other things, it's good for you. And you don't need an apology to forgive. You do it because you're ready to unmoor and sail on. An apology is not going to get rid of the pain. Only letting go does that.

I just want us to be friends. Maybe you can be friends. Equally possible, you can't. It doesn't matter. It would be good for the kids, but it's not essential. Detox. You have friends to hang out with and talk to. If you don't, you best get out and make some. Friends have a longer shelf-life than many relationships. It's important to focus on other relationships, not just your personal Titanic.

He should respond to my calls or texts immediately. Really? Most people don't respond to our needs immediately, so don't expect it from your ex. Detox. If you're calling and texting repeatedly, stop. Ask yourself whether the situation is really that much of an emergency. Don't wait until the last minute to make arrangements for the kids, or get something you need from your ex. Start planning your course ahead of time, the way you do with most people, and don't expect your newly insignificant other to drop everything for you.

To sum it up, be grateful, be kind, forgive, and don't expect things to be better than they were in the relationship. Letting go is entirely up to you. It means moving on toward the unknown, always a scary prospect. But hey, there's a new world out there. So keep your focus on what's ahead, while you breathe in that clean, detoxified air. Smudge sticks can help with this too.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Judith Tutin

Life Coach

Judith Tutin, PhD, ACC

Location: Rome, GA
Credentials: ACC, PhD
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