6. I have strengths I never knew about. Relationships can be stifling. It was far too easy for me to subjugate my aspirations to those of my partner and child. It was easy to act out the wife and mother roles I inherited from my family. Divorce was a release from all that. Using my creativity and strengths in new ways, like writing, entering races, cooking and tweaking my career, helps me flourish as a single person. Singledom helped me capitalize on my strengths.
7. I do not have to make anyone else happy. People tried to tell me when to date, when not to date, what to do about my kid, what not to do about my kid, what to do in new relationships and what not to do. I'd spent quite a number of years trying to make someone else happy and look how that turned out. I don't have to please others by living out their fantasy of what ought to happen in my life or following often unsolicited advice. This has allowed me to return to my hippie look, develop my own parenting style and create a modern relationship that works for me.
8. It gets better. I kept telling myself that it would get better if I kept plugging away. It does. I kept moving ahead and trying new things until it began to dawn on me that "after" was starting to feel pretty good. In fact, "after" began feeling better than "before."
9. Healthy thoughts about the divorce keep me positive. Initially there was the inevitable ex bashing. Then I realized that the negative energy crept into the rest of my life. I started focusing on the positives. This means getting others in my world to give up their own negativity about my divorce and my ex, or at least to keep it to themselves. It means not feeling sorry for myself. It means spending more time around healthy people.
10. Divorce does not define me. Although it seemed so at first, I learned that being divorced is not my central defining characteristic. Being divorced is part of who I am and I choose to define it as an experience contributing positively to my growth as a person. I am a healthy, whole and creative woman, who happens to not have a husband. 18 Signs You're Probably Having An Emotional Affair (Yikes)
You don't have to be divorced to make your life more healthy, powerful and positive. But, if you happen to be divorced, it is a great opportunity to use your creativity and strengths to make some exciting changes. Who knows, you just might get a Kavu bag out of it.