Are you newly separated or divorced and not sure how you will make it through Thanksgiving Day?
I know this was me several years ago when my husband and I separated after twenty six years of marriage. Let me explain: I had always been the one to cook the huge meal for 15-20 people. It was a glorious time of family sharing, connecting with relatives you had not seen all year, and wonderful food as far as the eye could see. 4 Secrets To A Stress-Free Thanksgiving
Then wham! It felt as if someone had turned off the lights. I was alone and in a very dark place. For the first time in my life I was to be alone for Thanksgiving Day. What a shock this was to my system. You might be wondering what happened to the 15-20 people. They were my husband’s family, so my grown children (with my encouragement) decided they would have Thanksgiving Dinner with them. After all, they had done this all of their lives.
I had no family near since my mother had passed away suddenly three weeks before. I remember feeling like I was having an enormous pity party! Poor me … I had been the one to cook for all of these people and now they had disappeared like dust in the wind. I could have given in to my pity feelings and sat alone all day in my P.J.'s. Getting Past The Past
Not a chance! I was important too and I wanted to enjoy the day just as much as anyone else did. I had a good friend who with much prodding convinced me to have dinner with her family. Her son was coming home from college and although it was a smaller group than I was used to, it turned out to be a magical day. For the first time I was not the one running my head off getting everything done. I was the helper and could actually enjoy a bit of rest with my meal.
I bowed my head and was truly grateful for the life I had and the warm friends that surrounded me that day. That is what Thanksgiving is all about … giving thanks. I read somewhere if we have a roof over our heads, food on the table and clothes on our backs we are better off than 95% of the world. Imagine That! Finding SELF After Divorce
This was some time ago, but I remember wearing a pretty dress to lift my spirits and I took a special dish I always made for Thanksgiving so my creativity for cooking was not squashed. The huge lesson I learned that day, which has served me well ever since, is that we get to choose how our life changes after divorce. We can let it pull the rug out from under us or we can stand tall and create a new beginning toward a life we love.
After my current husband David and I got together, I starting having Thanksgiving Day dinner at our home. This time it was for his family and mine. But once again I am looking at a big change this year. My daughter has a new home and wants to hold the dinner at her house. (Her dad is invited and we are all ok with that … time heals) I am on the road to discovering how to make my Thanksgiving Day wonderful with this new change. Sounds like I might get to rest a bit more and put my feet up with some pumpkin pie! 6 Safe Conversation Topics For Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving change does not always involve being alone. Sometimes it is necessary to be with people you don’t care to be with. Whatever the circumstance, the good news is that you get to choose how you respond — throw a pity party, or stand tall and make the best of the situation. Knowing this too shall pass. Put on your best outfit and make the best of the day. You are worth it!
By Judith Geiger
Be in Love Again Coach