Hearing the phone ring in the locked house, Mary fumbled with her keys while balancing three bags of groceries. Silently she whispered “please let it be Steve”. Breathless and happy she heard his voice, “I’m calling to ask you to accompany me to my office party at the Ritz for dinner and dancing next Saturday?” Without hesitation she said, “I would love to.” Setting the phone back in the cradle her smile was soon replaced by horror.
She knew nothing about Steve other than he was a successful lawyer with a brilliant smile that could melt a heart from fifty feet. Mary had been introduced to him last Friday while out with friends. Suddenly a million questions ran through her head? What would she wear was soon replaced with what would they talk about? Do they have anything in common? Who will be there? What had she said yes to?
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In Mary’s excitement to date Steve she had been overcome by desire. She was not balancing her head with her heart. Her heart was in charge all the way! Mary spent the following several nights until Saturday with very little sleep. Let’s explore what could have made this a better experience for her.
Three steps to balance your head with your heart:
1. Be prepared. While Mary was juggling the grocery bags there was very little time to make decisions. Plan your strategy for dating someone new in advance. Then, when you are caught off guard, you can use your head along with your heart with greater ease.
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2. Keep your first date short. This is a golden rule that if you follow will defuse many potential problems about dating before they start. Meet for coffee or a walk. You can learn a great deal in fifteen to twenty minutes. You will be building a strong foundation for your new relationship right from the start. You might even decide in that time that your man with the great smile is not for you but, if you are still interested, you can then prepare your strategy for your next date. Then there will be only good surprises not the kind that keeps you up at night.
3. Know what you want in a relationship. Do the work ahead of time. Have a clear relationship plan that helps you know when you are a match and when you are not. Do not worry that it takes anything away from the spontaneity. Quite the opposite actually! You will have tools and resources that make dating fun and will assist you to find your ideal partner. One who is committed and in alignment with you. It really doesn’t get any better than that.