“Have you seen “The Beast” grandma? I cannot find him anywhere!” This is the message I heard on our answering machine from my frantic three year old granddaughter. She had misplaced her good friend, a stuffed Disney character from Beauty and the Beast. The shock and disbelief that her good friend had vanished is often how many divorced women feel about their friends.
Women often ask me, “Where have my friends gone? Why are they not returning my phone calls? Did I do something to upset them? Why don’t “I” count anymore?” in the same frantic voice as my granddaughter.
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It is stressful enough creating a new life without your spouse. Then you look up from your chaos one day and see your friends are absent too. Perhaps, even some relatives you were close to from his family, no longer seem to know you. How can this be? The bond had been so strong before.
The truth is everyone is uncomfortable with divorce. Often to keep what is perceived the Peace… your friends and family members take sides. Sometimes side taking is temporary, but more often it becomes permanent. Only one of you can be invited to the wedding or graduation. Who gets invited to the neighborhood picnic? How will the family cope over the holidays? For many years you attended these events together.
Divorce does not mean you deal only, with the loss of your spouse. You are dealing with multiple losses at the same time. To counter act the loss process you need to develop conscious connections. I am not saying this is always easy, but often necessary to get your life back on track. I call it conscious connection when you consciously reach out to make new friends. Keep your radar up. Potential friends are right in front of you when you consciously choose to see them. It is often too early to start dating again…you may not have had the time to heal and know who you are and what you want in an ideal partner. But you can consciously choose to make new friends.
Great places to meet new people:
• Meetup groups (Google ones in your area) A link to my group here!
• Join service organizations such as Zonta or Rotary
• Join Toastmasters (you gain friends and business skills)
• Work…ask your co-worker to lunch or a movie
• Church and Church activities
• Seminars and classes
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With a little conscious effort and a lot of heart you can easily make new friends that last!
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