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Most of us see breakups as something to avoid but it can be a gift.
By Joylyn Maniaci — Written on Jan 24, 2020
Happiness in life may be the last thing you expect to happen when you're going through a breakup but, believe it or not, it's inevitable.
I love breakups — but this wasn’t always the case. While heartbreak, of course, brings with it grief and pain, it's rare that a breakup leads to a diminished life.
Getting over a breakup and letting go of someone you love (but with whom a relationship no longer serves you) are necessary for greater living.
I must admit, getting over a breakup is slightly easier to handle if you are on the giving end. But this is not to say that letting go and getting over someone is easy — delivering that news is never easy.
I don’t delight in disappointing people or feeling that what I am saying could in some way lead them to believe that they aren’t good enough.
It is hard to spit it out sometimes. But every time I've broken up with someone and "stuck to my guns," things have gotten better.
I’ve gotten out of having to listen to other people judge me and tell me what I was bad at that I wasn’t really bad at.
I’ve gotten away from people blaming all of their feelings on me that they didn’t want to deal with and knew they could convince me that I had more "self-work" to do.
I’ve gotten more time that isn’t being taken by people just wanting to talk about other people in a way that doesn’t change or create anything (this is what is commonly referred to as “drama”)
I’ve gotten away from having to be someone I was decades ago that I am no longer.
And I’ve gotten a dramatic decrease in drama and my other relationships have gotten deeper.
I laugh more, I’ve lost weight, and I have seen me be more willing to create and produce things and take on projects, even become an entrepreneur.
Happy people know that, sometimes, you have to go through a broken heart in order to achieve the happy life you deserve.
With that said, here are 3 reasons why a breakup may be the best thing to ever happen to you because it leads to eventual happiness in life.
1. You become willing to meet the unknown and trust yourself in the face of uncertainty
Human beings are a creature best motivated by pain. Change could come with greater ease if we chose to change for fun, to play with our free will.
However, we usually wait until the pain of our current situation is so great that it finally exceeds the pain and fear of the uncertainty of what lies on the "other side." Be that as it may, a breakup is a sign of courage and something to celebrate.
Facing uncertainty and placing our bet on ourselves to handle whatever comes next is a real mark of bravery.
2. Breakups are breakthroughs
No matter who you are breaking up with, you are really breaking up with roles and issues that have been limiting our ability to shine.
We function with people the way we do often because we are functioning from a role or with an issue, rather than truly being ourselves.
The whole dynamic and relationship with a person can change (in an infinite number of ways) when we choose to break up with an issue.
Breakups offer sweet release from the judgment that is required to maintain smallness and sameness.
The lightness of this great burden being lifted — it might feel a little raw, like a breeze on brand new skin when the band-aid is removed.
But, the bliss of the awareness of aliveness and all the possibilities of how the adventure will unfold is greater than any sadness, loss, or fear, if we will choose to look at it.
3. You discover kindness in unexpected places
Breakups reveal the existence of kindness from people or places that we may not have known or trusted had we not allowed ourselves to be in a position of vulnerability.
It is often that only when we are "backed against a wall" that we are willing to put our barriers down and receive kindness and caring.
Not just the typical "You deserve better than…" or "You’re worth so much more..." but the true caring from individuals that will not take a corrective viewpoint, but lend a supportive ear.
They are truly listening to the conflicting thoughts and feelings that come up without feeling that they have to stop or fix those feelings.
The experience of true listening and caring, and the discovery of such an individual —that alone may be reason enough to celebrate and have gratitude for this breakup.
It’s not that we have to go through misery in order to know that we are supported, but sometimes tough times do make us more willing to open up to receiving kindness.
You learn how to find happiness and be a happy person despite the heartbreak you went through.
You can break up to break through. Say goodbye to your issues and hello to you. And I will gladly be your breakup buddy and get you through and beyond.
More for You:
Dr. Joylyn Maniaci is a relationship specialist and personal coach. For more, read Goddess' Guide to Breakups or contact her to get started with your breakthrough.