Family

Eyes Half Open - 10 Parenting Thoughts

Out of the darkness of a deep sleep and a 4th floor condo, which overlooked the beaches of a West Palm Florida, my son Cole and I walked down the bright lit hallway with our eyes half open.  Early as it was, it was the last morning of a wonderful vacation and we were determined to watch a spectacular sunrise.  We made our way through the resort, out the backside of the pool area, and down a 50 yard boardwalk to the beach.

We picked out two beach chairs, laid out our towels and settled into the darkness staring out at the Atlantic Ocean – our eyes half open.  We were two of a handful of early risers, out to witness the beginning of a new day.  There were no bad seats at this event!

The sky began to change from black to various shades of reds, pinks, oranges and blues.  The rhythm of the ocean waves rocked us into nature’s majestic beauty.  The birds above sang a beautiful chorus.  As the sun began to slowly lift itself above the horizon, I said to Cole “Look, you can see the sun beginning to rise.”  Cole quickly said back to me “Yes I see it Dad, but the sun is not rising.  The sun is stationary; it is the earth rotating which makes it look as if the sun is rising.”  A TRUTH!

One of the goals of my writing has not only been to educate, but also meant to inspire growth.  To grow as an individual requires us to change, and as I have learned through my life and my work (both joyfully & painfully), this is where a true challenge lies for all of us.  The challenge disappears though, if we are clearly able to see and embrace, Truth.

For us to grow as parents, we must see Truth.  For us to grow as a family, we must see Truth.  For us to grow as students, we must see Truth.  For us to grow as teachers, we must see Truth.  For us to grow as a community, we must see Truth.  For us to grow as a world, we must see Truth.  For us to grow as a person, we must see Truth.

We all are living during one of the most dynamically changing transformational times in history.  For us to grow we are going to have to change.  To change we must take a close look at the paradigms (our understandings, our mind-sets, our beliefs) that we hold - some near and dear to us. 

Some of what we have understood, our paradigms, may be wrong.  Other paradigms we hold may not necessarily be wrong, just incomplete.  It is time to create, to expand, to explore and to embrace new paradigms.  New paradigms and new understandings that will serve us, our families, our schools, our communities and the world, better.

On any given day, at any given moment, a human being can make a decision to embrace personal renewal and make a change.  Most people make many sincere efforts to alter a behavior, which when changed, will improve one’s life.  Sadly for many, the behavior change lasts only a few weeks at best.  Why is this so?

It is very difficult to maintain a behavioral change if underlying thoughts and beliefs are not changed as well.  Beliefs lead to thoughts, and thoughts lead to behavior.  So to maintain lasting change one must examine underlying thoughts and beliefs.

Thus, I am sharing with you 10 thoughts about parenting.  Some of these thoughts may align with one’s current parenting thoughts and behaviors and some may challenge one’s current parenting thoughts and behaviors.  Consider these parenting thoughts/ideas with an open mind, for I fully believe these to be TRUE.

  1. If you want your child or teenager to understand you, seek to understand them first.  We only can receive what we give away.
  2. Each child and teenager is unique, like a flower, so you must parent them uniquely as well.  This can be demanding if you have more than one child.
  3. Education is very important, no doubt, but keep in mind becoming a student is a process that unfolds uniquely for each.  Hounding them daily about school and micro-managing their academic effort most often creates resistance.
  4. Children and teenagers spell love this way – TIME & LISTENING.
  5. Know that you cannot “control” your child or teenager.  You can only set guidelines and rules that you hope they will follow.
  6. When your child or teenager behaves in a manner that deserves some type of negative consequence, ask them what consequence they believe they deserve.  In many cases you may be surprised by their response.
  7. Make sure the significant part of your focus and conversations are on the appropriate behaviors and decisions your child and teenager exhibit, and praise them for that good stuff.
  8. Never forget kids will be kids, teenagers will be teenagers – and one day they will be adults who will be adults.
  9. Manage your parenting fears appropriately, and be careful not to interject your fears into them.
  10. Know that the most challenging part of parenting is that children and teenagers are ALWAYS CHANGING; this requires a continually evolving, flexible and humble parenting approach.

Some will receive these ideas as a “breath of fresh air”, others as an uncomfortable agitation, others will think they are bunk – depending on one’s VIEWPOINT. 

Our Earth spins on its axis at over 1,000 mph, hurtling thru space at over 67,000 mph, with us stuck to it by an invisible gravity super glue!   Our logic would tell us that we should go flying off this big rock called Earth, but we do not.  Things are not always as they seem.  

The Earth’s spinning gives us a so called “sunrise” every 24 hours, the beginning of a new day.   Each of us at any moment, can CHOOSE to “fully open our eyes, heart and mind to create Our New Day.”  Shifting and/or expanding our parenting paradigms, beliefs and behaviors will allow us to create a New Day for ourselves, our families, our community and the world.

Joseph Gandolfo is a parenting expert, counselor and life coach.  Contact him to receive a free phone consult to discuss the difficult parenting challenges in your life.

www.JosephGandolfo.com

This article was originally published at Joseph Gandolfo. Reprinted with permission from the author.