Is your partner feeling insecure of your new physique?
People love to love—to a point that’s almost gluttonous.
Take for instance what Netflix has done to society, House of Cards anyone?
Now let’s take the invention of the ice cream and lick our lips with passion while our hearts brain freeze into jubilation.
With our minds numb and hearts frozen we can finally snuggle up for date night.
That is until we walk down the literal rocky road and politely tell our significant other, "No Thank You," as if not hurt their feelings.
You think: Phew
They think: Are you breaking up with me?
A moment that calls for, "it’s not you, it’s me."
Odd as this may seem, your significant other can bolster or thwart your weight loss success. This isn’t to incriminate your partner, they love you. But when you’re trying to achieve your own success he or she may be sabotaging your efforts—sometimes unknowingly others purposefully.
You see in business there’s an adage, "you are the result of the 5 people you surround yourself with the most." Putting money discussions aside, if you’ve embarked on a weight loss program it’s lifestyle change and your partner isn’t necessarily supportive but rather afraid of your success.
People embark on relationships for any myriad of reasons: partnership, support, a family, love, attraction—whatever it maybe, the common thread amongst these attributes is connection.
Although you perceive your physical self as less than ideal, your partner envisions someone picturesque. So when one person begins a lifestyle change, adheres, and sees progress it can deeply affect the other.
Maybe there’s a hint of jealousy or disconnect that results in anger, fights and belittling. It's because your partner is afraid you’ll leave them. They now see someone who is doing fantastic, making better and different choices, which leads them to feel left out.
What they fear with your newfound success is that you’ll see their perceived insecurities and become disinterested. They’re not supportive of your success because they don’t want you to do better but it makes them recognize everything they’re not achieving.
This is where relationship issues and personal insecurities arise and don’t go away.
It is your responsibility to not feed into animosity but put it on a special diet, one that consists of understanding and patience. Make date night for your partner and instead of whipping up an entirely new array of options select one or two you think they’ll appreciate. You know what your partner likes. By making dinner you show you still care and want them by introducing them to a new way of thinking. This eases the unsettling of change, it shows that you are not two steps ahead but still side by side.
Bring them outside on a nice day, walk together, the down time gets you away from the bustle of life and reaffirms closeness—a physical demonstration of being side by side. If your partner played a sport have them teach it to you. This gives them control and leadership in the situation, two qualities they’ve been feeling uncertain about.
Most people feel uncomfortable exercising in front of a bunch of strangers so trying to workout with your partner may seem like a logical solution. It may not be—in this case it’s not you it’s them. It’s the result of something called proximity bias. Discreetly praise their healthful efforts, ask them what did at the gym—show interest but don’t get too involved your enthusiasm, it could come off as interrogation.
Invest in a personal trainer—one that measures you and your partners' progress. One with a proven track record of successfully holding people accountable and is adaptive regardless of the person or personality.
It’s your life and your health but they’re specially connected to someone else. This could be a gateway to things that have been avoided or the result of some worries and uncertainties.
This article was originally published at The Salubrity. Reprinted with permission from the author.