Get inside the mind of men and hear the one mistake women make that turns men off when dating.
As a single woman wanting to know how guys think, don’t you wish you could be the fly on the wall in a man’s locker room?
When it comes to understanding men and hearing what we say about women, the locker room is the place. They know they can speak freely because in guy code, what’s said in the locker room stays in the locker room. The locker room is a sacred place where men can say anything. And they usually do!
Allow me to be your fly on the wall for a minute. Guys In Locker Room
Imagine this, a couple of guys just finished a workout. They are a bit exhausted and ready for the steam room or sauna. They are kinda out of their “heads” and into their “bodies.”
They are connected to their emotional side, not their logical side. Wanna know what guys mostly talk about? If you said sports, cars and work, you’d only be be half right.
The truth is, the minute one guy talks about women… the place goes silent.
Now you might be thinking, why does it go silent Jonathon? Good question.
Well, for some men they live vicariously through the stories of others. And for others, they want to hear a good story and share their two cents. Men are competitive and they like to one up their friends when it comes to conquests.
Now this is all fine and good for those guys just dating (in the getting laid mode). You know, the 20 something crowd or the newly divorced guys over 40. What about the guys in relationship? Guess what most of them do? Rarely do you hear men speak of how “in love” they are. Why? It’s not in our nature to talk about lovely dovey stuff. Guys who are in happy relationships keep it to themselves.
What about the other guys, what do they talk about? They complain. About what, you wonder?
Come closer to the screen. You don’t want to miss this. Take a deep breath.
They’re sharing their frustrations about women. And the #1 mistake women make in relationship, which is…
The #1 frustration men have with women is when women have an agenda on where the relationship is going.
If you are single & looking, or in a relationship now, I’m sure you have done this. Women often think in the future. By contrast, men think in the NOW. Men tend to think in present terms not the future when it comes to relationships. So the minute a woman has an agenda, this freaks guys out.
When it comes to where a relationship is going, men want it on their terms. They want to set the course. They often set the pace. If you were attracted to this man in the early stages of relationship. He picked the restaurant for the first date. He planned the first trip. He even decided when to call you his girlfriend. He hopefully said “I love you” first. (I know, you were biting your tongue on that one).
Men prefer to set the pace at every stage of the relationship. And you are attracted to men who take charge, who are leaders. So when it comes to where it’s going, why would you expect anything less?
Here is why.
Women often get to the destination of a relationship faster then their boyfriends. Now I’m sure this goes back to the days of being little girls and hearing Prince Charming stories. Or planning your wedding with your girlfriends at age 13. Whether it’s in your nature or all that playing as a child, where is it going is just part of who you are. You have a need for security.
Men don’t operate that way.
Growing up, the last thing we talked about was marriage. We talked about girls, but mostly how to meet and approach women. In our teens and twenties, we were learning how to meet and have confidence with women. Mostly we learned by trial and error. I’m sure you have even met a few guys who didn’t have game, who didn’t have edge. Some men are STILL learning how to have confidence with women and how to be in relationship. But you are in relationship and you are frustrated with his pace. All your doubts about men and commitment rise to the surface. You are remembering many of your failed relationships and fear rears it’s ugly head.
Guess what? We pick up on those fears. So you have a double whammy going. Your fears are pushing for an agenda and this expectation is scaring him away.
This is the #1 mistake you’re probably making with men. And guess what? It’s completely reversible and preventable.
To create a strong connection and be successful in a relationship with a guy, you must understand where he’s coming from. You have to understand how he thinks, what he’s feeling and what he wants from a relationship with you. The better you understand your guy, the easier your relationship will be. For many women, starting the conversation of “where is it going” is the hardest part of a new relationship. You want to know where you stand, and you want to get your guy to open up and talk to you.
The Relationships Men Commit To and Why is here to help on how to get your guy to open up and talk to you, and tell you how he feels about your relationship. He may not like thinking you have an agenda, but there is a way to inspire a man to want to share his thoughts and feelings in a way that doesn’t freak him out.
Take a lesson from the locker room.
This article was originally published at Understand Men Now with Jonathon Aslay. Reprinted with permission from the author.