Is he taking action or is this just activity?
As your guy spy I am breaking one of the cardinal rules by telling you our secrets. So, have you ever put something on a string because you didn't want to lose it? This is called tethering. That's right, something you might forget but want to make sure you don't lose. Men do this all the time and it's called: Electronic Tethering (e-tethering for short).
Here's How It Works
Say there's this guy you've seen a few times and you're really beginning to like him. In the beginning he came on kind of strong and there was chemistry. Then, he seemed to stop making plans to see you as much. Sure he's busy with work or has family problems, but you'd still get a text from him every so often, for instance, if he's at the doctors office he will send you: "Thinking of you," when he's out with friends: "Wish you were here," and when he's out with his parents a "Can't wait till you meet my mom."
All this communication feels wonderful and you feel connected and women begin to interpret this text as action saying, "Gee, he must be into me." Except, this is activity, not action. That's right, ever since sleeping with him he hasn't planned a real date, has he? This goes on for a few weeks and then comes the late night text for a rendezvous. You bite because you like the guy and believe he's finally coming around.
Until the pattern starts all over again. No plans, just text messages. Welcome to the e-tethering zone! What is e-tethering? Glad you asked. It's a way he can stay connected without doing any work. And here's the worst thing. Chances are, he's doing it with several women. How do I know this?
Because I was this guy. Shortly after my divorce I finally became pretty savvy with electronic devices. Before that I used texting to let my friends know I'd be late to the golf course or to ask my wife if she needed anything from the store. But for dating, texting can be used in so many ways.
These days you don't have to pick up the phone to ask a woman out on a date. These days you can send romantic text instead flowers. These days you can break-up with a person via text. And the best part, you can string along a number of women at the same time via text.
Before I met my beloved, I was kind of a cad. Yes, I was single and dating and my day might go something like this: Stuck in traffic on the 405 (those who live in Los Angeles, CA know what I'm talking about) I would text 5 or 6 women all at once.
Me: "just thinkn of u." Sure, it was kind of lame, but I was bored.
Here's the thing, three would respond back!
Them: "awwwwwwww how sweet!"
Me: "whatcha doing?"
Them: "just hangn out, u?"
Me: "stuck n traffic, get back 2 u ltr"
Them: "no worries, text me when ur free"
See how easy that was? I could keep an electronic tether on several women at once and most of them even suggested using text to respond.
Now you must know, most of these women I met over the course of a year or so and we weren't romantically dating. But keeping an e-tether was a great way to stay connected for those times I wasn't dating someone else.
Occasionally when I got lonely I would reach out with my e-tether and if someone bit, I would schedule a rendezvous. Maybe it was dinner or drinks, but really it was a glorified booty call. Yes it was lame, but it worked. In fact, when I look back to how easy it was, I shudder think how many other women were e-tethered in this way.
So, as your heart protector I want you to be informed with a major heads up. BEWARE of e-tethering. Texting is a great source for flirtation and can be a wonderful romantic tool, but without real action, all you've got is some empty cyber scribbles.
While a text might feel charming and good, ask yourself: does he plan dates, take you out to dinner, introduce you to his friends? Or does he just have an e-tether on you? Men who are serious about a relationship don't play this childish game, and neither should you.
More advice on sexy texts on YourTango:
- Give Good Sext: 7 Things To Know Before You Text Him
- 6 Dirty Text Messages: Powerful Sexting Advice
- Sexting: Tips & Advice
This article was originally published at Understand Men Now with Jonathon Aslay. Reprinted with permission from the author.