If you want more out of dating, you've got to give more of yourself to life. LIVE!
The minute you let go of what happened before and the expectation of what is to come, the possibilities in the moment are endless.
If you can remember and live the simple sentence above, dating will almost magically become everything you ever dreamed of… and more. Men will not only flock to you, but they will crave you because you are different from any other woman they've ever known.
And it will happen practically overnight.
I'm not kidding. It's happened to all my clients who embrace dating without expectations. And it's never happened to those who don't.
There's a phrase I've coined in dating and romance called "passionately detached" that I'm very fond of. "PD" simply means be open to the adventure that's ahead of you, and be detached to any particular outcome.
Imagine for the moment all the endless possibilities of what may come when meeting someone new… they could become a friend, an enemy, a colleague, a lover, a referral, a partner or somebody that you used to know. The two of you can go in many different directions together, and the trick is to let the experience unfold naturally and not expect a certain outcome.
Those who have found happy relationships have a secret. They were open to the adventure right from the get go. No judgment or disappointment if it didn't work out… just "let's take this ride and see where it goes." No fretting over 'where this relationship is going' because in the end, the journey is what matters most… and if it's meant to be, you can't force it and it will happen anyway. They enjoyed the destination and were detached from any outcome.
Let me tell you about one of my clients. Cheryl is in her mid-forties, divorced, and is in her words "average looking." When she started dating, she found she was anxious and unsure of herself. She second-guessed herself at every turn, and while she was dating good guys, she gave off a nervous and needy vibe that made them run.
Once I explained dating passionately detached to her, she became more confident in herself and embraced living in the moment. She knew that if a dating situation didn't work, plenty of other men would be thrilled to be with her. Almost immediately, the second-guessing and the fear that nobody else would want her disappeared. She blossomed and went back to her natural personality: happy and carefree. Her inner radiance came out, and men noticed.
She relaxed and became more attractive to men because she appreciated and respected them just as they were, and she no longer had that "gotta control things" attitude she had projected before. In less than three months, she found a serious boyfriend who loves that she accepts him as he is and walks with him in the moment, without pushing an agenda. He craves her company and misses her when she's not there.
Now here's the thing, this happy couple was also able to let go of the hurt and disappointment from past relationships. When you carry pain and frustration from the past relationships, it's like extra baggage when trying to board a plane… theres no room. Or worse, all the people who have hurt you are standing right behind you while on a date. Nobody wants to stare at all those who didn't work out for you.
The secret to being passionate when dating is being open to all the possibilities and the adventure. Imagine when you can view another human being much like a child seeing something new for the first time, with amazement and wonder. Your adult within will protect you from danger, but your inner child views the world of dating as a playground. Therefore, who cares if you're not attracted to him or he doesn't play well with others. There are so many more kids to play with, and you're bound to meet one who’s just right for you.
In fact, whether you're a man or a woman, being passionately detached actually makes you highly desirable to the point of being craved. There's something really sexy about a person who lives life with passion and takes the ride no matter where it goes. There is a freshness, a happiness, and a glow about a man or woman who lives in the moment and lets life unfold on its terms, not his or hers.
All it takes to date passionately detached is to let go and let it happen. You'll be shocked at how relaxed and satisfied you'll be when you can release expectations. So before you go out on your next date, remember being passionately detached and see if you have a much better time.
This article was originally published at Understand Men Now with Jonathon Aslay. Reprinted with permission from the author.