You like someone to take control, not to be controlled.
Are you attracted to Alpha males? Most women are. But have you actually been in a relationship with one? Have you experienced the downside of being with an Alpha male? Women are attracted to Alpha males because of their self-confidence, their strong leadership, their abilities in bed, and their success. But every good quality has a downside, and the typical Alpha male's attention will be on his needs first and yours second. That's just how it works, because the very nature of Alpha is to be in control.
The term 'alpha' comes from wolf packs where there must be one leader, and the pack is submissive to the leader. Typically, Alpha men can be domineering, they often prefer women who can be controlled, and they can be very selfish partners.
When you date an Alpha, you could be in for quite a ride. Here are a few characteristics you can look forward to.
- His intelligence may become smug arrogance, which might lead to being argumentative.
- His self-confidence often morphs into cockiness and brashness.
- His success means his career and leisure activities will probably come first, and to heck with yours.
- His leadership might aggravate you if he tries to dictate your every move.
- His assertiveness might turn to aggression and stubbornness.
- His amazing ability in bed could become selfish sex once he "has you."
An Alpha male tends to be motivated by materialism, and he may be in search of a trophy wife simply because he feels entitled to one. She is typically submissive, and her needs will be secondary to his.
So, do you really want a typical Alpha, knowing that he's probably going to be a jerk? If you are an Alpha female, typically you look for a man who is more Alpha than you are. That could be a recipe for disaster, as you've probably already experienced.
But if I were to mention a perfect match for you is a less-Alpha male, you'd immediately tell me no. Right?
Polarity is what makes a relationship thrive, so a very strong woman usually butts heads with a very strong man. Alpha females are best suited with less-Alpha or Beta males. She is the driver in the relationship, and his natural desire to be led will allow him to follow. However, the Alpha woman doesn't tolerate the submissive nature of a truly Beta man for long.
There's a third option: a Blender.
A Blender is a good guy who can hold his own but isn't seeking a power struggle. He can play well with others and seeks a "we" relationship, not a "me" relationship. A blender is not "set in his ways." He’s not all about himself like an Alpha can be, nor does he desire to be led like a Beta man often does.
A Blender is often confident, independent, and successful. He's not hung up on money or material possessions. He blends into your life and makes it better. He's usually not rigid about where he lives, and he may have a profession that doesn't tie him to a specific geographic area. Blenders are good guys with good hearts who make mistakes and can sometimes be selfish. Ino ther words, a typical guy.
Make no mistake here: Blenders might be Beta, but not necessarily. They're easygoing but can take care of themselves. Think of them as Good Guys with an Edge. A Good Guy cares about others, is accountable, and takes personal responsibility. A Guy with an Edge can hold his own, he's not a wimp, and he's a stud in the bedroom. In short, he's a great guy with balls.
Sometimes, a Blender was an Alpha (Alpha-Blender) who had a setback or two and discovered that the material stuff didn't matter. He became a better, more mature man when he became a Blender. He's not tied to physical possessions or a specific location. He's easygoing but can take care of his own stuff and step up to take charge when necessary.
The challenge most alpha women will have is their desire to have a stronger alpha man and that will energetically block them from attracting a blender. Simply being aware of the blender should help the alpha woman attract this man into her life.
Could a Blender or an Alpha-Blender work for you? If you need help deciding, feel free to reach out to me. I am available for private couching!
More dating coach advice on YourTango:
- How I Became An Online Dating Coach
- 8 Modern Dating Rules Every Single Should Know
- Dating After Divorce? 3 Pitfalls To Avoid
This article was originally published at Understand Men Now with Jonathon Aslay. Reprinted with permission from the author.