Before You Tie the Knot, Ask these 5 Questions
By John M. Grohol. Posted on .
Different people have different approaches to money. Some people are savers and misers, while others are carefree and don’t give it as much thought. How money was handled when you were growing up often has a big impact on how you deal with it as an adult (see #1 above). If your financial and spending styles are not on the same page, now’s the time to discuss how you will get them on the same page because a big part of marriage is the fact that it’s a legal contract that binds the two of you together financially.
It shouldn’t take until you’ve walked down the aisle to have this talk. If one of you has a great deal of debt — whether it’s credit cards, student loans, whatever — you need to share that with your partner. Is the expectation that one partner will be managing the couple’s finances moving forward?
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4. What is your approach to sex?
Sex is often a taboo topic (much like money), both inside and outside of a marriage. But talking about your sexual needs is important to ensure both of you are sexually compatible. After all, most people enjoy sex early on in a relationship — when everything is novel and you’re both exploring each other’s sexual interests.
But what about the long-term — what are the expectations for sex long after that initial passion has worn off? It’s not just about frequency (twice a week? twice a month?), but also sexual and romantic styles both in and outside of the bedroom. Do you switch off being the initiator, or is the expectation one person will always do the initiating? How can you let the other person down tactfully without hurting their feelings if they want sex and you don’t? Now’s the time to figure these things out.
5. How do you resolve a disagreement? How do you argue?
How a couple argues can tell you as much about the health of a relationship as anything else. If the arguing seems bad before you get married, it’s only to get worse after you’re married. You may attribute the arguing to outside factors — like the stress of planning a wedding, moving, the other person’s family, or changing jobs. But guess what? You’re both going to experience similar stress throughout your lives, because stress is a constant in modern living.
Do arguments get real personal, real fast? Does one person always seem to veer off-topic and bring up other, unrelated things that derail the arguments, or turn them back onto you? Do your arguments just become a blame game? Or does one person always need to be right about everything you argue about?
You can improve the way you communicate and argue with your partner, but you need to make a concerted effort in order to do so. All relationships have disagreements — it’s how you resolve them that matters. (Hint: it’s all about compromise and forgiveness.)
And last, a bonus question…
6. What is your outlook on life?
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Many of us think we know our partner’s outlook on life by the simple fact of being around them all the time, hearing them talk about various topics and seeing what inspires them.
