Before You Tie the Knot, Ask these 5 Questions


Before You Tie the Knot, Ask these 5 Questions
Thinking about getting married? This article can help you and your partner explore what's important

Different people have different approaches to money. Some people are savers and misers, while others are carefree and don’t give it as much thought. How money was handled when you were growing up often has a big impact on how you deal with it as an adult (see #1 above). If your financial and spending styles are not on the same page, now’s the time to discuss how you will get them on the same page because a big part of marriage is the fact that it’s a legal contract that binds the two of you together financially.

It shouldn’t take until you’ve walked down the aisle to have this talk. If one of you has a great deal of debt — whether it’s credit cards, student loans, whatever — you need to share that with your partner. Is the expectation that one partner will be managing the couple’s finances moving forward?

4. What is your approach to sex?

Sex is often a taboo topic (much like money), both inside and outside of a marriage. But talking about your sexual needs is important to ensure both of you are sexually compatible. After all, most people enjoy sex early on in a relationship — when everything is novel and you’re both exploring each other’s sexual interests.

But what about the long-term — what are the expectations for sex long after that initial passion has worn off? It’s not just about frequency (twice a week? twice a month?), but also sexual and romantic styles both in and outside of the bedroom. Do you switch off being the initiator, or is the expectation one person will always do the initiating? How can you let the other person down tactfully without hurting their feelings if they want sex and you don’t? Now’s the time to figure these things out.

5. How do you resolve a disagreement? How do you argue?

How a couple argues can tell you as much about the health of a relationship as anything else. If the arguing seems bad before you get married, it’s only to get worse after you’re married. You may attribute the arguing to outside factors — like the stress of planning a wedding, moving, the other person’s family, or changing jobs. But guess what? You’re both going to experience similar stress throughout your lives, because stress is a constant in modern living.

Do arguments get real personal, real fast? Does one person always seem to veer off-topic and bring up other, unrelated things that derail the arguments, or turn them back onto you? Do your arguments just become a blame game? Or does one person always need to be right about everything you argue about?

You can improve the way you communicate and argue with your partner, but you need to make a concerted effort in order to do so. All relationships have disagreements — it’s how you resolve them that matters. (Hint: it’s all about compromise and forgiveness.)

And last, a bonus question…

6. What is your outlook on life?

Many of us think we know our partner’s outlook on life by the simple fact of being around them all the time, hearing them talk about various topics and seeing what inspires them.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

John M. Grohol


Dr. John Grohol is a mental health expert and founder of Psych Central. He has been writing about online behavior, mental health and psychology issues, and the intersection of technology and psychology since 1992.

Location: Newburyport, MA
Credentials: PsyD
Website: PsychCentral
Other Articles/News by John M. Grohol:

Jealousy Ruining Your Life? Fix It By Figuring Out The Real Cause


Jealousy can be a problem in any type of relationship and can appear in anyone’s life at any time. You can have jealousy with other people's things, their success, their beauty, their athletic prowess, their relationship, their kids, their education, their money, and their life. It can be a tiny feeling in your gut or it can be an overwhelming ... Read more

Be Happy — It's Not Just For Your Sake


In case you hadn't noticed, there's been a wealth of information recently in the form of books, TV shows, CDs, DVDs, magazine articles, and even movies on a subject that is near and dear to everyone's heart. The subject is happiness. I'm not sure why it is that there seems to be more interest in happiness these days than there has been in the ... Read more

4 Reasons Your Man Doesn't Appreciate You


Are you suffering from lack of appreciation from your man? If so, you may find the following perspective on men to be very enlightening. It might even spur you into action to get the appreciation you deserve.  Does the following ring true for you, even though you may have never considered it before? It all begins with what I am calling the holy trinity ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular