Time Alone: An Asset to Couple Intimacy

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Time Alone: An Asset to Couple Intimacy
Find out why a good strategy for developing intimacy with your partner is spending time alone
  • You can have an intimate relationship with a partner without feeling you have jeopardized your parents’ love.
  • You can tolerate your partner’s relationship with his/her family.
  • You value your independence but you are not threatened by the reality that you and your partner also depend on each other.
  • You enjoy spending time with your partner and others; but you also value your solitude.
  • You are not jealous if your partner enjoys time with his/her friends.
  • You can tolerate your partner’s having a difference of opinion from yours.
  • You can agree to follow your partner’s opinion without fear of being controlled.
  • You can negotiate a mutual solution in a way that balances needs and dreams.
  • You are able to recognize that as separate people you and your partner may be preoccupied with things that have nothing to do with the other—and need not be taken personally.
  • Given that you are individuals as well as partners, you don’t hold the other responsible for knowing what you need without communicating it in some way.
  • Given that you are partners as well as individuals, you take pride in knowing your partner in ways that others don’t—without presuming to know all.
  • You can hold on to the connection with your partner even if you are not physically together.
  • You can make a sexual overture without fearing rejection.
  • You don’t need you or your partner to be perfect in order to have a sense of self-worth.
  • You can say “ No” to your partner without fear of reprisal or rejection.
  • You don’t need the world to love your partner—because you love your partner.
  • You can risk being angry with your partner.
  • You can recover from a fight or argument with your partner without “ winning” or “ blaming.”
  • You can own your part in a problem or your mistake without a blow to your self-esteem.
  • You can tolerate the temporary disconnect that comes from arguing with your partner without fearing that the relationship will be over or the love will be lost.
  • You can apologize.
  • You can forgive.
  • You feel a personal sense of worth although you greatly treasure your partner’s affirmation.
  • You are not afraid that asking for or receiving your partner’s help will compromise your self-esteem.
  • You feel pride and confidence in face of your partner’s plans to achieve personal goals without fear of being overlooked or left behind.
  • You don’t need your partner to want to do whatever you are doing, whenever you are doing it.
  • You can comfortably enjoy the benefits and balance of the You-We-Me in your relationship.
  • You never believe that a partner who is out of sight is out of love with you.

 

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

John M. Grohol

Psychologist

Dr. John Grohol is a mental health expert and founder of Psych Central. He has been writing about online behavior, mental health and psychology issues, and the intersection of technology and psychology since 1992.

Location: Newburyport, MA
Credentials: PsyD
Website: PsychCentral
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