Learn about the different ways young women and young men approach the idea of a new relationship
This guest article from Psych Central was written by Meredith Bazirgan, MSW, LCSW
You know the feeling: you lay in bed, wide awake, tossing and turning, and wishing you could sleep. Instead, your mind drifts to the one.
You know the one: that person you cannot shake from your mind, no matter how hard you try. Nothing steals a good night’s sleep from you like falling in love.
One of the top five issues that get the most "ink" from college students is romantic relationships. It’s also one of the conversations that come up quite frequently amongst my girlfriends when we’re gathered together.
And it has been since before college.
Oftentimes, people have a crush on someone, and they’re not sure how to handle it. Maybe it’s a really good friend, and they’ve realized they have deeper feelings for this person than they thought. Sometimes it’s that person you’ve seen in class but have never spoken to. Whatever the case, it’s hard to simply forget about someone that you have some feelings for, whether they’re surface level or run really deep.
Recently a guy friend and I were talking about this girlfriend of mine who isn’t sure what to do. She’s become friends with this guy, but they’re not so close that they hang out all the time. She’s wondering how to take it to the next level. So of course we engaged in a long conversation about whether or not she should ask him to hang out.
She didn’t want it to feel weird or awkward if she asked him to hang out again, so we were brainstorming all the ways it could be super casual. “Maybe you should just ask him out for ice cream,” we thought. “That’s casual enough, and everyone likes ice cream.” We continued to rationalize this in our heads. You know how it goes. We could’ve talked for hours about how she should approach the “ask.”
When I started to tell my guy friend about all of this rigmarole, he burst out into laughter. When I asked him why he could possibly be laughing at such a serious subject, his reply was: “guys just don’t think like that.”
What could he POSSIBLY mean by that?
We had carefully crafted this fool proof plan, and it was sure to work. Sure, maybe he wouldn’t be able to hang out that day, but at least we’d know if there was a possibility that he would say yes. My friend would be gently putting herself out there.
I realize that not every guy thinks the same way, nor does every lady think the same way, or any person for that matter. But I was still curious, so I asked my friend the question: “okay, so how DO they think, then?”
“Well, she should just ask him if he wants to go out sometime.”
Huh. That simple. Okay, maybe she’ll go give it a try.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I realize that it’s scary not knowing whether someone will like you back. The fear of rejection is very real. But the fear of rejection will always exist, in so many facets of life. So go at your own pace, be yourself, and trust your gut. But don’t be afraid to risk rejection for a relationship you think could be really mutually strong, meaningful and wonderful either.
And if he or she says no? It’ll hurt. But there will always be someone else to ask out too.