The Relationship Dream List

By

The Relationship Dream List
Use this popular and surefire technique to grow closer in your relationship in 2013

This guest article from PsychCentral was written by Nathan Feiles, LMSW

Is your relationship feeling stagnant recently? Do you feel like you’re caught in a routine, ignoring each other, too busy to give time to your relationship, or just simply neglecting your relationship?

 

It can be easy to become complacent in our relationships, especially when living together on a daily basis. Life happens around us–we work, possibly have children to care for, keep up a home, try to see friends and family, deal with issues that come up, and so on. Things end up getting pushed to the front in our lives, while our relationships with our significant others are pushed to the back.

 

After some time of sticking in this pattern, we may find our relationships lacking in fulfillment, unexciting, or even boring. Some may feel secure in a more “business” type of relationship — having someone to come home to every night and to sleep and wake up next to, maybe raising children — while not otherwise giving much attention to their relationship. And to be sure, there is nothing wrong with this outlook if both partners on the same page. The trouble starts when one or both of the partners begins to experience the relationship as lacking balance. When this happens, it means more is wanted from the relationship, and without some form of action, this can eventually cascade into overall relationship dissatisfaction for one or both partners.

There are many things that people can do to spice up a relationship. Some try different things sexually; some add date nights or other togetherness activities; and more. These are all good things.

Turning Toward Each Other

The “Relationship Dream List” is a favorite among couples I treat. When both partners in a relationship share similar goals and dreams, even if they can be unrealistic goals at times, it not only heightens a sense of overall togetherness, it also turns both partners toward each other.

What does “turning toward” mean?

When a person becomes dissatisfied or frustrated with his or her relationship, the subconscious tendency is to turn away from the partner. This can happen in various forms, including thoughts or behaviors involving cheating, spending less time with the partner, envisioning a future without the partner, becoming irritable with the partner, and so on.

The reverse of this process is the idea of turning toward each other. When our relationships are in sync, there’s a sense of togetherness. Turning toward is a subconscious mindset of having both feet in the door of our relationship. We seek positive interaction with our partner; we look to the future with our partner in the picture; we function on the same page (or seek to re-orient when natural drifting occurs); and there is a general sense of our partner as a positive force in our lives.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

John M. Grohol

Psychologist

Dr. John Grohol is a mental health expert and founder of Psych Central. He has been writing about online behavior, mental health and psychology issues, and the intersection of technology and psychology since 1992.

Location: Newburyport, MA
Credentials: PsyD
Website: PsychCentral
Other Articles/News by John M. Grohol:

Why Do Your Relationships Fail?

By

Have you had multiple partners, but the basic dynamic between you and them remains the same; which in short is this—you don't get what you want? Somehow you keep making the same mistake, either choosing the wrong person or looking for the wrong thing from the person you choose. Filling a void What I often see in my private practice are adults ... Read more

How To Love And Support Your Partner After Serving Overseas

By

What people do not see and may not understand is that the homecoming of a veteran is both a treasured event and a complex process. For a couple, in addition to all that it demands in terms of the reality of time, space, roles, money, kids and deployment cycles, homecoming means finding a way to integrate all that has happened to each partner into the ... Read more

Is Marriage A Good Deal Or An Ordeal?

By

There are lots of expectations about what marriage will provide that motivate people to choose it over the single life. Including … Love Companionship Regular sex Meaningful emotional connection Mutual support Financial and emotional security Material comfort A permanent ... Read more

See More

 
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular