This guest article from PsychCentral was written by Linda Bloom LCSW and Charlie Bloom MSW.
Every year, Charlie and I take two summer vacations-one with our kids and grandchildren, and one just with each other. They don’t have to be real long, just long enough to get a clean break from our day-to-day lives. These vacations each provide us with very different experiences, and we love them both. But it’s the one we take by ourselves that gives us the time to reflect together on where we are and where we’re going over the coming year.
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This also allows us the luxury of taking as much time as we need to relax into the love that we are often too busy to really enjoy and savor. Sleeping late and staying in bed cuddling or making love, or just hanging out together with no agenda, no cell phones, no computers, no responsibilities, it’s as close to heaven as I’ve ever been. When I describe this scenario to friends, however, they sigh in envy and tell me they wish they had the time to do the same thing. I hear them. We used to feel that way too that is, until we realized that we did have the time, we just hadn’t prioritized it correctly.
We had forgotten that there isn’t anything more important than taking time to restore our relationship, to reawaken and indulge our enjoyment of sensual pleasure, and to retreat into the sweet environment that supports the growth of our love and ourselves.
Keep the Fires Burning
As relationship therapists, the second most frequently asked question we get (after “How can I find the partner of my dreams?”) is, “Is it possible to keep the passion alive over the long term, and if so, how?”
Whether you are entering your fourth decade of marriage or you’re in the first year of your marriage, keeping passion alive requires your attention, creativity, and emotional honesty. Attending and responding to the quality of your relationship in general, and of your sex life in particular, is probably the best thing you can do to minimize the chances that things will become stale, old, boring, or flat. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Then why, for so many of us, is it so hard to do? Well, for one thing, there’s a tendency to espouse the belief that sex with the same person eventually gets boring after a while.
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This belief can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy if we unquestioningly accept it as inevitable and stop trying to bring more juice into our connection. After all, if something is inevitable, why bother trying to resist it? As many of us have discovered the hard way, resigning yourself to a sexually unfulfilling relationship doesn’t work too well either. Telling yourself that something is okay doesn’t make it so.
Keep the Mystery Alive