Are You Thinking About Cheating? 5 Things To Consider

By

Are You Thinking About Cheating? 5 Things To Consider
Is there an affair in your future? Read this article from Psych Central before you take that leap!

This guest article from Psych Central was written by Nathan Feiles, LMSW

Relationships all have their share of trying times. It’s unrealistic that a relationship will always be happy and smooth. Even the best of relationships experience rough patches. But how we respond to these difficult moments is what determines the direction a relationship will take from there.

When relationships go through instability, we are more vulnerable to subconsciously turning away from the relationship. This can happen in different ways. Some may end up focusing on work, or channeling attention into other activities, being with friends more often, and so on. But when a person is feeling neglected, resentful, or rejected by their partner, it can be tempting to start noticing other people who provide the type of craved attention that isn’t happening in the relationship. If we are not aware when we get caught up in this type of craved validation with an outside person, it can end up leading to emotional and behavioral (sexual) infidelity.

 

Where Cheating Begins

When people cheat on their partners, it’s a form of emotional acting out. It’s an indication that their feelings of oppression (whether perceived or actual), neglect (or abuse), rejection, or resentment overwhelm the ability to make balanced decisions. When feeling oppressed, we may look to regain a sense of emotional and physical freedom. The oppressed emotion may not always be triggered by the partner — for some it’s merely feeling tied down by a relationship that triggers feelings of oppression. The mindset becomes something akin to, “It’s my turn, I need something for myself. I’m not getting it at home, so I can do it here.” This can turn into a one-night stand, a series of one-night stands, or longer-term emotional and sexual affairs.

When making the decision to cheat, it’s common that people compartmentalize it. The mind wants to put the incident in a box as something that’s done “outside” of the relationship, in its own private cubby hole that no one will know about. However, it’s rare for cheating to be so simple. This kind of mindset is similar to feeling that we’re invisible if we close our eyes.

Where Getting Caught Begins

One of the beautiful elements of being in a relationship is that both people become aware over time of each other’s tendencies, idiosyncrasies, and other qualities that makes the person unique. This includes becoming accustomed to each other’s routines and patterns of emotion. Therefore, when we do something out of the ordinary, it creates an emotional disruption that can be quite visible to our partners, even if we are able to internally compartmentalize it.

Basically, if we’re going to cheat, it’s likely we’ll end up getting caught at some point. I’ve seen couples where a person cheated one time, and ended up being caught anywhere from right away to many years later (there are countless ways that people get caught cheating).

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

John M. Grohol

Psychologist

Dr. John Grohol is a mental health expert and founder of Psych Central. He has been writing about online behavior, mental health and psychology issues, and the intersection of technology and psychology since 1992.

Location: Newburyport, MA
Credentials: PsyD
Website: PsychCentral
Other Articles/News by John M. Grohol:

Jealousy Ruining Your Life? Fix It By Figuring Out The Real Cause

By

Jealousy can be a problem in any type of relationship and can appear in anyone’s life at any time. You can have jealousy with other people's things, their success, their beauty, their athletic prowess, their relationship, their kids, their education, their money, and their life. It can be a tiny feeling in your gut or it can be an overwhelming ... Read more

Be Happy — It's Not Just For Your Sake

By

In case you hadn't noticed, there's been a wealth of information recently in the form of books, TV shows, CDs, DVDs, magazine articles, and even movies on a subject that is near and dear to everyone's heart. The subject is happiness. I'm not sure why it is that there seems to be more interest in happiness these days than there has been in the ... Read more

4 Reasons Your Man Doesn't Appreciate You

By

Are you suffering from lack of appreciation from your man? If so, you may find the following perspective on men to be very enlightening. It might even spur you into action to get the appreciation you deserve.  Does the following ring true for you, even though you may have never considered it before? It all begins with what I am calling the holy trinity ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular