How to Communicate Instead of Having a Fight

By

How to Communicate Instead of Having a Fight
Read and learn how to avoid fights with your partner by discovering ways for both of you to win!

This guest article from PsychCentral was written by Gerti Schoen, MA, LP

We’ve all been there. It’s Sunday morning. The husband wants to see his parents. The wife would rather go take a hike in the woods. Or the other way around. One insists on what they want, the other resists or doesn’t really engage and you’re off arguing what to do with this Sunday afternoon.

The most important aspect to avoid a fight is your attitude towards the other person. If you internally roll your eyes and get ready to defend your position as the one and only possibility, then you’re already on the path of war. But if you’re able to look at it from a joint perspective – as in we are going to figure this out together - then you will have a relaxed Sunday afternoon.

When couples disagree about how to solve a problem, both people should put their own opinion on the back burner. Instead, explore what else you would be willing to consider.

Do a little brainstorming without getting attached to a solution first. What else could you do with your afternoon? Maybe swing by the parents for a cup of coffee and then take a short walk together? Hike with the in-laws? Have a romantic afternoon at the beach and make dinner plans with the family for next Saturday? Split up and each do your own thing? Find a whole different strategy all together?

Before getting attached to one particular idea, create a pool of possibilities first. Come up with some ideas what each of you want to do. That way you come closer to what each other is willing to give up in order to come to a joint solution.

First you have to give a little. That’s when you gain your partner’s trust and willingness to compromise. If you get hung up on only one solution (yours) you inevitably get into a power struggle and only one person can “win” – but the victory is short lived, because resentment will build within the other.

Change your mindset and include the other in your thought process rather than exclude them. From then on you will get what you want.

 

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

John M. Grohol

Psychologist

Dr. John Grohol is a mental health expert and founder of Psych Central. He has been writing about online behavior, mental health and psychology issues, and the intersection of technology and psychology since 1992.

Location: Newburyport, MA
Credentials: PsyD
Website: PsychCentral
Other Articles/News by John M. Grohol:

4 Reasons Your Man Doesn't Appreciate You

By

Are you suffering from lack of appreciation from your man? If so, you may find the following perspective on men to be very enlightening. It might even spur you into action to get the appreciation you deserve.  Does the following ring true for you, even though you may have never considered it before? It all begins with what I am calling the holy trinity ... Read more

Are Relationships More Work Than They're Worth?

By

When NASA launches a space vehicle, it uses about 90 percent of its fuel getting beyond the earth's atmosphere. After it clears the pull of this gravitational force, considerably less fuel is required. This allows it to travel great distances expending much less energy. This principle also applies to relationships. The early stages (after you pass the ... Read more

This Is The Secret To Having A Blissful Relationship

By

The folliowing is a conversation between a couple who has kept score in their relationship.  Mira: "In the beginning of our relationship, I was a very efficient scorekeeper and kept careful track of who did what for whom. Fairness has always been a big deal for me. My stance was often, 'If you give me this, I'll give you that.' It ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.