Do You and Your Partner Argue About Money?

By

Do You and Your Partner Argue About Money?
It really is possible to stop arguing about money with your mate--read this article to find out how!

This guest article from Psych Central was written by Nathan Feiles, LMSW

Money can be a touchy topic in relationships, whether you have a little bit or a whole lot. How we handle money is usually related to a deeper emotional issue, rather than strictly a financial issue. Our personal relationship with money creates the foundation for how we handle finances in our significant relationships. And when our partners don’t share the same type of relationship with money as we do, money-handling can cause tension and disagreements, possibly leading to resentment and even breakups, if the issues persist.

It’s common that both partners may not agree about money-handling, but it’s possible to compromise. The trouble generally starts either when financial guidelines in the relationship haven’t been established — so there are no boundaries for handling money; or when guidelines are established, but the boundaries are crossed without discussion or agreement.

One of the biggest areas of conflict I hear in couples therapy is the idea that one wants to put money away for the future, while the other wants to live in the present and stop saving so much. While there may be validity to both points of view, these desires are opposite, and therefore will need compromise in order to keep conflict from continuously arising.

 

It takes time to change our personal relationships with money. We may have the urge to spend or save, much in the same ways we internalized growing up. Undoubtedly, compromises take self-discipline. For the sake of balancing our relationship, we may need to be a little more flexible, or a little more conservative than we are used to.

So here are some things to consider in order to balance the issue of money in your relationship:

1) The money conversation is open. Unless previously agreed, neither side can dictate how money is spent, or have the ability to “close” conversations because they don’t agree with a request. Compromise requires both sides to keep an open mind and be willing to listen to requests for how to handle money, even if the requests don’t align with our own money-handling values. Be able to discuss compromises for these types of issues:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

John M. Grohol

Psychologist

Dr. John Grohol is a mental health expert and founder of Psych Central. He has been writing about online behavior, mental health and psychology issues, and the intersection of technology and psychology since 1992.

Location: Newburyport, MA
Credentials: PsyD
Website: PsychCentral
Other Articles/News by John M. Grohol:

Is There Any Romance in Your Romance?

By

Couples often tell us that they have lost the magical feeling they once knew in their relationship. They want to reclaim the romantic charge that they once shared during the early days of their relationship. Most of us will recall those early years as emotionally challenging and spiritually draining but full of tremendous personal and romantic rewards. In ... Read more

Why Can't Your Partner Talk About Feelings?

By

Emotions give us important information that we can use to better understand our needs, priorities and limits. We can use emotions to set boundaries and make decisions. Unfortunately, effective communication about feelings isn't always easy. "If you're not authentically experiencing, expressing, and learning from your emotions, then that erodes ... Read more

Jealousy Ruining Your Life? Fix It By Figuring Out The Real Cause

By

Jealousy can be a problem in any type of relationship and can appear in anyone’s life at any time. You can have jealousy with other people's things, their success, their beauty, their athletic prowess, their relationship, their kids, their education, their money, and their life. It can be a tiny feeling in your gut or it can be an overwhelming ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular