Do You and Your Partner Argue About Money?

By

Do You and Your Partner Argue About Money?
It really is possible to stop arguing about money with your mate--read this article to find out how!

This guest article from Psych Central was written by Nathan Feiles, LMSW

Money can be a touchy topic in relationships, whether you have a little bit or a whole lot. How we handle money is usually related to a deeper emotional issue, rather than strictly a financial issue. Our personal relationship with money creates the foundation for how we handle finances in our significant relationships. And when our partners don’t share the same type of relationship with money as we do, money-handling can cause tension and disagreements, possibly leading to resentment and even breakups, if the issues persist.

 

It’s common that both partners may not agree about money-handling, but it’s possible to compromise. The trouble generally starts either when financial guidelines in the relationship haven’t been established — so there are no boundaries for handling money; or when guidelines are established, but the boundaries are crossed without discussion or agreement.

One of the biggest areas of conflict I hear in couples therapy is the idea that one wants to put money away for the future, while the other wants to live in the present and stop saving so much. While there may be validity to both points of view, these desires are opposite, and therefore will need compromise in order to keep conflict from continuously arising.

 

It takes time to change our personal relationships with money. We may have the urge to spend or save, much in the same ways we internalized growing up. Undoubtedly, compromises take self-discipline. For the sake of balancing our relationship, we may need to be a little more flexible, or a little more conservative than we are used to.

So here are some things to consider in order to balance the issue of money in your relationship:

1) The money conversation is open. Unless previously agreed, neither side can dictate how money is spent, or have the ability to “close” conversations because they don’t agree with a request. Compromise requires both sides to keep an open mind and be willing to listen to requests for how to handle money, even if the requests don’t align with our own money-handling values. Be able to discuss compromises for these types of issues:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

John M. Grohol

Psychologist

Dr. John Grohol is a mental health expert and founder of Psych Central. He has been writing about online behavior, mental health and psychology issues, and the intersection of technology and psychology since 1992.

Location: Newburyport, MA
Credentials: PsyD
Website: PsychCentral
Other Articles/News by John M. Grohol:

Homecoming

By

What people do not see and may not understand is that the homecoming of a veteran is both a treasured event and a complex process. For a couple, in addition to all that it demands in terms of the reality of time, space, roles, money, kids and deployment cycles, homecoming means finding a way to integrate all that has happened to each partner into the ... Read more

Is Marriage A Good Deal Or An Ordeal?

By

There are lots of expectations about what marriage will provide that motivate people to choose it over the single life. Including … Love Companionship Regular sex Meaningful emotional connection Mutual support Financial and emotional security Material comfort A permanent ... Read more

5 Signs He's A Narcissist And You're Dating Him!

By

Basically, a relationship with a narcissist will be a problem, and the more narcissistic they are the more it becomes impossible. The continuum of narcissism Many psychological disorders are now being talked about as existing on a "spectrum", that is they are not like other diseases where either you have them or you don't. With spectrum ... Read more

See More

 
PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular