Cheating: Why Partners Need to Know the Truth

By

Cheating: Why Partners Need to Know the Truth
If you're longing for full disclosure about your partner's infidelity, there are some good reasons
  • Shock/Despair/Depression – The betrayed spouse is oftentimes numb and somewhat unable to function. Other people may be livid and screaming that they should take action (separation, divorce, etc.), but early on the betrayed spouse is more often seeking insight, validation for his or her feelings, and emotional stability as opposed to drastic action.
  • Self-Doubt/Remorse/Shame – As stated above, many betrayed spouses blame themselves for not having seen the patterns of lying and deceit, and for not acting sooner. Some will tell no one about what they are going through due to shame and fear of judgment. Sadly, this leaves them isolated in their fear and hurt.
  • Honeymooning – Some betrayed spouses move full-force into romance/seduction mode, thinking that if they provide enough sex, their partner won’t “need” to stray.
  • Blaming Third-Parties – Betrayed spouses often direct the brunt of their anger onto the person (or people) with whom their partner cheated, viewing their spouse as an “innocent victim” of someone else’s unscrupulous behavior. Cheating partners are supportive of this, as it takes the heat off them.
  • Detective work – Betrayed spouses often go through cell phone and credit card bills, wallets, and pockets, and ask endless questions, all in an attempt to understand the entirety of what has occurred.
  • PTSD Symptoms Such as Rage, Mood Swings, Withdrawal, and Hyper-Vigilance – Betrayed spouses will display love and then become rageful for no overtly obvious reason. For example: inadvertently seeing a sexualized image in a magazine ad or watching a romantic movie scene can trigger feelings of hurt, insecurity, and anger.
  • Poor Boundaries – Lacking others who will understand and wanting to lash out, a rage-filled spouse may act in ways he or she later regrets. This behavior may include co-opting children by telling them “what daddy or mommy did to me,” and telling bosses, mothers, and others about the infidelity. Some spouses will resort to verbal and even physical abuse toward the unfaithful partner.

Emma’s Story

Emma is a successful, 46-year-old realtor who accidentally discovered her husband’s ongoing pattern of infidelity.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

John M. Grohol

Psychologist

Dr. John Grohol is a mental health expert and founder of Psych Central. He has been writing about online behavior, mental health and psychology issues, and the intersection of technology and psychology since 1992.

Location: Newburyport, MA
Credentials: PsyD
Website: PsychCentral
Other Articles/News by John M. Grohol:

Are Relationships More Work Than They're Worth?

By

When NASA launches a space vehicle, it uses about 90 percent of its fuel getting beyond the earth's atmosphere. After it clears the pull of this gravitational force, considerably less fuel is required. This allows it to travel great distances expending much less energy. This principle also applies to relationships. The early stages (after you pass the ... Read more

This Is The Secret To Having A Blissful Relationship

By

The folliowing is a conversation between a couple who has kept score in their relationship.  Mira: "In the beginning of our relationship, I was a very efficient scorekeeper and kept careful track of who did what for whom. Fairness has always been a big deal for me. My stance was often, 'If you give me this, I'll give you that.' It ... Read more

5 Keys To A Successful Relationship

By

This guest article from Psychcentral was written by Aaron Karmin MA, LCPC. Pause for a moment and think about your relationships. What thoughts come to mind? How do you feel about your relationship? Your relationships generally provide great happiness and satisfaction for you. Or, because of high levels of conflict and unfulfilled expectations, your ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB