Bolster Your Emotional Bonds with EFT

By

Bolster Your Emotional Bonds with EFT
Learn about Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), an option for strengthening the bonds between couples

In one of the exercises in Hold Me Tight, Johnson helps couples see how their negative dance unfolds and how both are responsible for the arguments. Each partner describes their “steps in the dance:” “The more I _______, the more you _________.” Take the example of a husband who gets upset every time his wife invites her mother over to their house. The husband might say “The more I tell you that I’m mad about your mother coming over, the more you pull away from me, go into the office and shut the door and refuse to talk to me, then the more I demand you talk to me. You get angry and tell me what a terrible husband I am for not wanting my mother-in-law around.”

The wife might say: “The more I don’t include you on the decision to have my mom over, the more you feel angry and upset with me and give her the cold shoulder and then the more I just want to leave you in the dust and not even engage with you.”

According to Blum, “This mutual description gives both partners a chance to see what’s happening to them when they get caught in the negative dance and begin the process of changing the ‘music.’”

Additional Help for Couples

“If you’re chronically struggling in your relationship, take that as a sign that your relationship needs some care,” Blum said. This might mean reading a book like Hold Me Tight or seeing a couples therapist. If you’re interested in seeing a therapist who specializes in Emotionally Focused Therapy, check out the database on EFT’s official website.

You can learn more about EFT at Blum’s website and the International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT).

Reference

Johnson, S., Hunsley, J., Greenberg, L. & Schindler, D. (1999) Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy: Status & challenges (A meta-analysis). Journal of Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 6, 67-79.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

John M. Grohol

Psychologist

Dr. John Grohol is a mental health expert and founder of Psych Central. He has been writing about online behavior, mental health and psychology issues, and the intersection of technology and psychology since 1992.

Location: Newburyport, MA
Credentials: PsyD
Website: PsychCentral
Other Articles/News by John M. Grohol:

Does Jealousy Ruin Your Relationships?

By

Jealousy can be a problem in any type of relationship and can appear in anyone’s life at any time. You can have jealousy with other people’s things, their success, their beauty, their athletic prowess, their relationship, their kids, their education, their money, and their life. It can be a tiny feeling in your gut or it can be an overwhelming ... Read more

Be Happy — It's Not Just For Your Sake

By

In case you hadn't noticed, there's been a wealth of information recently in the form of books, TV shows, CDs, DVDs, magazine articles, and even movies on a subject that is near and dear to everyone's heart. The subject is happiness. I'm not sure why it is that there seems to be more interest in happiness these days than there has been in the ... Read more

4 Reasons Your Man Doesn't Appreciate You

By

Are you suffering from lack of appreciation from your man? If so, you may find the following perspective on men to be very enlightening. It might even spur you into action to get the appreciation you deserve.  Does the following ring true for you, even though you may have never considered it before? It all begins with what I am calling the holy trinity ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS