ProConnect

Are Rebound Relationships Doomed?

By

Are Rebound Relationships Doomed?
Read this article and find out how to view a rebound relationship objectively and give it a chance

This guest article from Psych Central was written by Nathan Feiles, LMSW

Rebound relationships can be quite intense. It’s often the case that the longer the previous relationship, the more intense the rebound. Why does this happen?

More from YourTango: Just Friends or Emotional Infidelity?

Rebounds have a lot to do with our attachment makeup (based on early life development). To create a visual, imagine for a second that you have a bunch of strings coming out of you — each string representing a type of need based on our attachment type. When in a relationship, most or all of these strings are attached to our significant others (like a plug into an outlet). When we make this connection, our partner essentially soothes our attachment needs by being the recipient of these strings.

When going through a breakup, it’s a form of emotional crisis. Even if we weren’t happy in our relationship, there’s an overarching feeling of being grounded in the sense that our attachment needs are being soothed. The longer the relationship, the stronger the “strings” become, and the more unconsciously dependent they become on this other “object” (our partner) to maintain this connection. So, when the strings are suddenly pulled away from our mate, we suddenly end up with these emotional strings aimlessly flying around in the wind waiting to attach to someone. It can feel similar to breaking a long-term addiction all at once — there’s generally no weaning process in a breakup. (It has been said that love is a form of addiction).

More from YourTango: Recognizing the Signs of Love Addiction

What ends up happening is that we end up looking for somebody who can be the recipient of our attachment strings in order to soothe our emotional crisis. When this happens, we end up in a rebound relationship, with pre-strenthened attachment strings, with an increased sense of urgency to re-connect, from the reaction of the sudden detachment. This paves the way for a fast and intense connection.

This leads to a combination of problematic issues that often present in a rebound relationship:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

John M. Grohol

Psychologist

Dr. John Grohol is a mental health expert and founder of Psych Central. He has been writing about online behavior, mental health and psychology issues, and the intersection of technology and psychology since 1992.

Location: Newburyport, MA
Credentials: PsyD
Other Articles/News by John M. Grohol:

Just Friends or Emotional Infidelity?

By

A new sort of infidelity has been on the rise for decades, and it's one of the biggest threats to marriage: "emotional affairs." Today's workplace has become the new danger zone of opportunities for emotional affairs, surpassed only by the Internet. A relationship without sex can be just as intense, or more so than a sexual one. Not ... Read more

Recognizing the Signs of Love Addiction

By

While people may admit to having struggles in their relationships, including difficulty with intimacy, it is sometimes hard to admit that you struggle with love addiction. But what if you have come to terms with love addiction, and realized that you are struggling with behaviors that are a source of upset and unmanageability in your life? What if you ... Read more

5 Rituals to Strengthen Your Marriage

By

I’m a big believer in the power of ritual. When you do something over and over, you start to anticipate the feelings you’ll have. So when it comes to our relationships, it’s important to have rituals that make us feel emotionally connected. Perhaps even more importantly, they create the expectation of being emotionally connected, which is half ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Cooking Together

6 More Eco-Conscious Ideas For A Better World And A Better You

Here are six tips on how you can have sex more consciously and also be kind to the environment.

Family With 2 Young Kids

What Wise Parents Know About Raising Successful Children

What are we teaching our children when we focus on their achievements rather than their kindness?

Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

"Love is the bridge between you and everything" Rumi

Love is all around us, if we allow yourselves to see it.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS