7 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life

By

7 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life
If your sex life is suffering, you're far from alone! Find out what you can do about it!

5) Plan sex dates. This is one that, on the surface, people always don’t love the idea of because it lacks spontaneity. When the problem is not having enough time, being too tired at night, not being able to be spontaneous often enough, unable to get away from the kids, and so on, sex dates can be very helpful. Clear time in your schedule to just be together. Allot a comfortable amount of time, and have it just be for intimacy. You can arrange this however you both want — maybe alternate turns planning it (e.g. a bubble bath, massages, strip poker, baking while wearing only undergarments, etc.). Even if it’s not spontaneous, once both partners start getting into the activity, both usually will find themselves fully engaged. Once you build success with planning consistent sex dates, it then can become easier to be spontaneous in the future — especially as you expand the options for the sexual environment (activities leading to sex), which can open more avenues to spontaneous engagement.

6) Make your partner’s life easier. While some might find stress relief through sexual activity, for others increased stress decreases sex drive. The more you can do to ease your partner’s stress, the better the chance of creating emotional space for intimacy. Also, by merely doing caring gestures for your partner, this increases positive sentiment in the relationship, which already improves the environment for intimacy.

7) Talk about problems and be open to influence. Lack of sex in a relationship can also be the result of a power struggle or other issues in the relationship. When there are struggles in the general relationship, intimacy is usually the first area to shut down. If you are harboring resentment or frustrations with your partner, open the communication with your partner. Most importantly, be open to influence. Continuing to compete with your partner doesn’t increase the likelihood your partner will want to share their emotional vulnerabilities and body with you. If you can be flexible in resolving relationship issues and letting your partner influence you in areas where you can let go, this will increase positive sentiment in your relationship. Accepting influence also increases the sense of unity, which helps create an overall sense of togetherness (and effectively can create sexual desire).

There are also other ways to improve your sex life with your partner that aren’t described here. If communication is blocked or if there are issues that you are struggling to resolve, a couples therapist can help with this. Focusing on ways of building togetherness in your relationship as a whole is a generally positive way to increase intimacy.

 

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

John M. Grohol

Psychologist

Dr. John Grohol is a mental health expert and founder of Psych Central. He has been writing about online behavior, mental health and psychology issues, and the intersection of technology and psychology since 1992.

Location: Newburyport, MA
Credentials: PsyD
Website: PsychCentral
Other Articles/News by John M. Grohol:

Are Relationships More Work Than They're Worth?

By

When NASA launches a space vehicle, it uses about 90 percent of its fuel getting beyond the earth's atmosphere. After it clears the pull of this gravitational force, considerably less fuel is required. This allows it to travel great distances expending much less energy. This principle also applies to relationships. The early stages (after you pass the ... Read more

This Is The Secret To Having A Blissful Relationship

By

The folliowing is a conversation between a couple who has kept score in their relationship.  Mira: "In the beginning of our relationship, I was a very efficient scorekeeper and kept careful track of who did what for whom. Fairness has always been a big deal for me. My stance was often, 'If you give me this, I'll give you that.' It ... Read more

5 Keys To A Successful Relationship

By

This guest article from Psychcentral was written by Aaron Karmin MA, LCPC. Pause for a moment and think about your relationships. What thoughts come to mind? How do you feel about your relationship? Your relationships generally provide great happiness and satisfaction for you. Or, because of high levels of conflict and unfulfilled expectations, your ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB