What has changed is how we think about sex. The opportunities to find potential mates, especially with online dating are more abundant than ever. However that doesn’t stop many people from feeling the fatigue that excessive dating brings. Sex itself seems to be everywhere, readily available and a bit less special because people are having lots of sex with lots of people.
The question singles have to ask is why they’re having sex? Is it to vet a possible mate or make a mate happy or are they simply into sex? The core message here that remains the same is that the right time to have sex is when you’re ready. Not when someone pressures you to have sex, but after you've had time to get to know each other’s values and beliefs, and feel secure enough not to panic if you don't have contact for a week after. In the past 20 years, that message hasn’t changed.
Core Message #5: In every relationship there is a Martian and a Venusian. The question is who fits those roles.
The Mars Venus message has evolved to apply to all relationships: heterosexual, homosexual and relationships where she is more Martian and he is more Venusian. The critical thing to think about is that we are attracted to balance. Relationships that are out of balance are those where you have too much male energy (the high-powered couple where everyone is in charge all the time) or too much female energy (the depressed, powerless couple where everyone is in need and no one takes charge).
In every healthy relationship there is a person who is the classic “Martian” and one who is the classic “Venusian”. In heterosexual relationships those roles are typically filled by the man and woman, respectively. As our lives become more complicated, there are more questions as to how it plays out in relationships.
What needs to be considered is the bigger issue of how we want to give and receive love. Does it happen through caregiving and nurturing or does it happen though problem solving and action? There’s no right or wrong to this question, but something you want to consider in your search for love and your quest to sustain love.
If you’re the person that wants to be called in an “emergency”, then you’re like me and you’re the “emergency man” in your relationship. My wife doesn’t want this role, she wants to be able to put out an “all-points bulletin” when something goes wrong and I love stepping in to help. That works for us.
Modern marriages are most successful when two people understand who they are at their core, related to this question of giving and receiving love. For more on this, join me on Thursday on YourTango’s Facebook page where we can talk about what it means to be in a modern relationship.
If you’re single and searching, we’ll discuss what you need to understand about yourself, how you handle stress and what you’re attracted to, in order to bring in the “right” mate and turn away those who don’t fit your needs. If you’re married, we’ll explore how you communicate your needs to your partner and learn to understand their needs to reduce stress in your marriage.
Remember, the Mars Venus message is as important today as it ever was. More than ever, we need to learn how to understand ourselves and communicate our feelings, needs and desires successfully to our partners. Join me on my website www.marsvenus.com and on Facebook for a deeper conversation on how to make your modern relationships work.