Johanna Lyman

Advanced Member

Johanna Lyman (Other)

Author, Life Coach, Relationship Coach, Sex Coach, YourTango Expert Partner

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Phone: 774-262-4211

Website: www.romancerecovery.com

Articles

5 Ways Friends Can Help You Get Over Your Ex [EXPERT]

In YourTango's recent breakup survey of 1,329 people polled between December 21, 2011 - January 9, 2012, the #1 most popular activity people recommend to someone getting over a breakup is to "spend time with friends". For someone in the midst of a breakup, here are 5 healing ways to interact with ...

Moving On After You Move On [EXPERT]

I just wrote an article for YourTango.com, as part of their “Break Up With Your Ex” campaign. It got me thinking about how common it is for couples to break up but never really get over the relationship. They move out, but they don’t actually move on. How can you tell if you’ve moved on ...

Why It's Important To Be Nice [EXPERT]

Someone famous once said, "It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice." That's easy to remember when life is good, but it's more important to remember when you're faced with a challenge, especially when that challenge is in your romantic relationship, when the ...

Introducing... the JOY Professor

I’m stepping into a bigger, more sparkly pair of big girl shoes today. For the last month I’ve been trying to figure out how to “package” my dual- and seemingly unrelated- message of love and abundance. I tried being clever and coming up with a cool acronym. I actually came up with a ...

7 Relationship Resolutions For 2012 [EXPERT]

Almost everyone I know makes goals or intentions related to their business, and many people make resolutions related to health and fitness. But how many of you make resolutions for your relationships? Relationships are arguably the most important aspect of a person’s life. Even if you’re not ...

MY QUESTIONS

Which kind of affair is worse?
8 ANSWERS
ANSWER THIS QUESTION

MY ANSWERS

From how you describe this guy, he seems mature and responsible. I'm all for honesty in relationships. You can start by being a little more forward- flirting, longer eye contact, touching his hand or forearm when you talk. If he doesn't get the hint in a week or so (or longer, depending on how often you see him), ask him out on a date. You can be playful about it to ease any awkwardness, but let him know that because you value his friendship so much, you'd like to explore going deeper. Good luck! SEE MORE
POSTED ON: Friends to Exclusive Couple
This relationship is doomed because its foundation is lies and mistrust. Because you stated, "b/c of a previous infidelity"... that suggests to me that you would benefit from coaching or therapy to heal your own issues of mistrust before getting into any relationship. If you don't all your relationships will show you the ways you need to heal. Check out some of my blogs for more detailed info on what I'm talking about- www.romancerecovery.com SEE MORE
POSTED ON: should i still have hope ...
I've been with my husband for 24 years, and I'm a Relationship Coach. I have personal and professional experience with this. If you don't start with open, honest communication about your needs, wants and desires, then venturing into an open relationship is a recipe for disaster. You're looking for emotional as well as sexual intimacy, not sex with other people. It's a complicated question- how to approach an open marriage. IF you have open, honest communication and you still want to explore other options, start by talking about it. What would he like, what would freak him out. Ask yourself the same. Start small, say with fantasies or visiting a swinger's club (Many have an option for couples where you can just meet people and not hook up). Recommended reading: my blogs at www.romancerecovery.com, Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel, Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch, Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix. SEE MORE
POSTED ON: How do approach the ...
You already know it's time to leave. Ask yourself "what's stopping me?" What are you afraid of? (I don't mean that to sound like I'm picking on you, but to get you to really look at what you're afraid of) Usually when we take a good look at our fears, they become a lot more manageable. He sounds like he's emotionally abusive and manipulative. Make a plan, get support from friends and/or family, and leave. Good luck! SEE MORE
POSTED ON: Give Advice: When Can I ...
You don't have to have common interests to stay together; it sounds like the pressure of two intense study programs might be the real culprit. What's more important than common interests is shared values. If you connect on that level and are committed to making it work, you will. (I did it in my own relationship). Start by admitting that you feel the disconnect. Mention it during a neutral time, and don't start with "we need to talk", that freaks guys out. Ask if he's noticed it, too. If you want to make it work, let him know you're committed to him and the relationship. Together you can talk about ways to re-connect-- walking in the park, going to a movie, whatever. The activity doesn't matter, it's the togetherness. You can also kick start things by getting a little sassy in the bedroom. Surprise him by being the one to make the first move. Guys get really tired of having to be the initiators, and it'll send a strong signal that you still care. Also know that it's normal for libido to wane when you're under pressure, as it sounds like you both are. You have to work a little harder to have good sex, but it can be worth the effort. Good luck! Johanna www.romancerecovery.com SEE MORE
POSTED ON: At the edge of a break-up

MY RECENT COMMENTS

That gives new meaning to the phrase "Holy F*ck"

Posted on: CONTEST CLOSED! Describe Amazing Sex & Win A Trip To NYC + $1000!

Great sex puts you in touch with God.

Posted on: CONTEST CLOSED! Describe Amazing Sex & Win A Trip To NYC + $1000!

Thanks, I'm glad you liked this!

Posted on: 6 Reasons To Savor Being Single

There are gospels that talk about Mary and Jesus being married. There are also conjectures that they had a spiritual but not necessarily sexual union. Regardless, my main point is that she was his equal. Revealing the truth about Mary Magdalene is directly related, imho, to feminism and sexuality because of the lies that were spread about her. Taking her and Jesus's mother Mary as the two most influential women in the new testament, the roles of women are defined as either virgin or whore. That's a pretty narrow box to put billions of women into. Exotic dancing is undeniably controversial. My experience as an audience member is that it can be as empowering or as disempowering as the dancer wishes it to be (and I don't mean dancers consciously wish to disempower themselves)-- depending on how she views the job, herself and her customers. Clearly, men objectify strippers. They also objectify models, singers and actors. I believe there is profound healing potential in dancing. I'm not even sure if I can verbalize it clearly, so please don't jump down my throat. :-) For 5,000 years (give or take) we've been in a patriarchy where women's lives have been devalued and women have been objectified. Recently (the last 50 or so years) the pendulum has begun to swing in the other direction and there's a huge backlash against men. I hear women slamming men all the time, and I find it disturbing. They have been conditioned to desire and experience sex in certain ways that are just as limiting to the men as they are to the women. If a woman (as my friend does) dances and chooses to engage in conversations with her customers, she draws them out of the object/subject realm and into an actual relationship between two real people. She becomes a conduit for healing, as men share with her their fears and disappointments and she talks to them about it. She was trained at the Hendricks Institute in CA, which focuses on relationships, so she comes prepared. :-) And I totally agree that sexual power, if it's your only weapon, is a flimsy one. The sexual power I was referring to is the one that comes from deep self-love and self confidence... the sexual energy is kind of a bonus but not the main intention. I hope that makes sense!!

Posted on: Community Blog: The Feminist Side Of Pole Dancing

You bring up a good point, BookMama, about working on the relationship. If you don't get clear on your own issues, you will definitely re-hash them with your next partner. In my case however, I'm quite clear and have managed to do a lot of healing around them. So for me, I'll get to bring up a whole new set of issues with my next partner--lol. As for the children, many studies have shown that children survive--and thrive-- when they have one present, loving parent. I came from a family where the parents did not divorce, even though they should have (lots of physical and emotional abuse) and we would pray for them to divorce. I think if you can't be in a loving, conscious relationship, don't stay together for the kids. And couples who CAN work things out in a loving, mature way are amazing role models for children-- I sure do wish there were more of them!!

Posted on: Top 5 Reasons NOT to Stay Married

Quick Stats

Main Specialty:

Couples/Marital Issues

Sex Therapy

Spiritual/Religious

Credentials:

Other

Time in Practice:

6-10 years

I practice in:

All areas, please inquire

I offer my services:

Telephone

Willing To Meet in Public Locations like Starbucks (please inquire)

Via Skype

Via a webcam

Articles by Johanna Lyman

Johanna Lyman

All Specialties

Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support, Divorce/Divorce Prevention, Gay/Lesbian/Identity Issues, Sex Therapy, Spiritual/Religious, Other