yes, both of you will have to learn how to trust the other.
Here are three steps to moving past an affair and healing your relationship.
- Understand all the components of your reaction to the affair. You may feel betrayed, jealous, embarrassed, angry, afraid... look at all aspects of your reaction. Use a journal as well as a coach or therapist to understand and own all of your feelings. Understanding and owning your feelings is the first step in forgiving your partner and yourself.
- Learn to communicate authenically with your partner so they understand how the affair impacted you, and so you understand what led them down that road in the first place. Rarely is cheating only, or even primarily, about sex. If you don’t delve into the underlying dynamics, you’re doomed to repeat the pattern. Authentic communication is one of the keys to a successful long term relationship.
- Commit to making changes that ensure honesty in your relationship. Whether it means changing your agreement to allow for extracurricular sex, or changing your behavior in the bedroom to bring the excitement back into your sex lives, make agreements together to improve the relationship. Extend these changes past the bedroom to create an extraordinary relationship.
And finally, whether you decide to work things out or not, know that romantic relationships are the crucible through which we uncover our true selves. Go through the three steps of moving past an affair even if you have to do it on your own, so that you don’t have to repeat the pattern with your next partner.