Why Aren't We Having Grown-Up Sex?


Recently I wrote about “grown-up sex”, or for those of us who maintain a child-like innocence and playfulness, conscious sex.  I define grown-up sex is sex that increases your sense of connection to your partner.  Grown-up sex is a wild, erotic, and ecstatic adventure.   It requires us to be present to our partner and to our own bodies.  It requires that we ask for what we need, and give feedback on what we receive.  It requires a certain amount of vulnerability; a willingness to open yourself to another and expose your heart’s desires. 

Based on some comments I received and further contemplation on the subject, I thought I’d explore some of the reasons we don’t engage sexually in a conscious way. 

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1.      Innocence.  Sometimes people don’t engage in grown-up sex because they are simply ignorant that it is even a possibility.  Our society hasn’t given us any mainstream models for how it would work.  The idea that a sexual encounter could create an expansion of consciousness is pretty revolutionary, even though it’s been around for several hundred years.  Tantric philosophy states that we can find the Divine in everything.  This philosophy has gotten a bad rap by people who don’t understand it and mistakenly believe that Tantrikas are only interested in having wild orgies and insanely complicated sexual positions.  Not that there’s anything wrong with trying new sexual experiences, but there’s a whole lot more to Tantra than orgies.

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