What Is A Soulmate Really?


What Is A Soulmate Really?
We've been fed romanticized stories of finding your soulmate, but what does that really mean?

Ahh, soulmates. We’ve all been fed the romantic notion that there’s one perfect someone out there for us. Everyone has one perfect soulmate, and if we’re lucky, we’ll find each other and live happily ever after. The stars will align for us: we’ll be born at the same time (give or take a few or twenty years) and after living our lives a little, we’ll magically end up in the same part of the world at exactly the right time to fall head over heels in love. We’ll know instantly when we meet. Bells will ring, cupids will dance around our heads, and we’ll have stars in our eyes. You’ve seen the cartoon and movie versions, I’m sure.

I have good news and bad news for you. The bad news is that it doesn’t work like that most of the time and when it does, it doesn’t always have a happy ending. The good news is that even when things end badly, we can still make our own happy ending. The other good news is that there’s more than one soulmate for each of us. To understand this, you’ll need a better understanding of what a soulmate really is.


Soulmates are individuals who incarnate together for the purpose of growing in love. They make agreements with each other to help teach the life lessons each wants to learn. Then they incarnate at more or less the same time as a soul family. The members of a soul family are soulmates. Soulmates are kindred spirits, but they are not necessarily romantic partners. Your best friend is a soulmate, and one, sometimes both of your parents are soulmates. Anyone with whom you’ve been in a significant romantic relationship is a soulmate.

When I say significant romantic relationship, I mean one that has impacted you on a deeply emotional level. Soulmates give you a chance to see yourself more clearly. Any significant relationship that teaches you something about yourself is a relationship with a soulmate.

It doesn’t have to be a long term relationship. It doesn’t even have to be a relationship that had a positive outcome. Some of our soulmates agree to act as the villain in our life to help us learn something important about ourselves. For example, a partner who cheated on you may not seem like a soulmate, but if that experience helps you grow in self-respect, then that person has given you a gift. You may not appreciate the wrapping, but once you’re on the other side of the experience, you will appreciate the gift.

We all come into the world as perfect, radiant beings. We deeply trust that we will be loved and cared for. We look at the world with eyes of unconditional love and we expect that love to be reflected back to us. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work out like that. At some point in our young lives, we discover that our needs will not always be met. We cry and are left unattended. We’re hungry and we don’t get fed right away. We have a dirty diaper and are left to sit in it. As we grow, we fall down and hurt ourselves. We misbehave and a parent takes away our favorite toy. We eat crayons and get yelled at. We throw food and get a smack on the hand. Each experience creates an impression in the psyche.

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