Should You Stay Or Should You Go?
By Johanna Lyman. Posted on .
You can be happy in any relationship if you’re willing to own the reasons you’re in it. Even if you’re in a relationship because your self-esteem is so low you don’t believe you deserve better, you can learn to be happy. By owning your low self-esteem, you will either accept it or become motivated to improve it. By understanding the real motivation for being in a relationship in the first place, you’ll clearly see whether you should stay or go.
In his book, Dear Lover, David Deida recommends that once you're clear about your reason for being in your relationsip, give yourself a time limit to be the best you can be in that reason. Tell your closest friend or your coach, and have them report back to you in six months. If they think you've gone deeper, then keep going. If they don't see any progress, then they'll tell you. You, in Deida's opinion, are the least likely person to really know when it's time to leave. I'm not sure he's right about the knowing, but I am sure that even if you do know, you're still likely to make excuses. Being held accountable by a friend or a coach can be the impetus for change.
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