Second, I do not believe that becoming
non-monogamous will by itself solve serious relationship problems. For example, if the problem is a lack of
emotional connection, it’s probably a very bad idea to bring another person
into the sexual relationship. Doing so
would give the person seeking deeper emotional connection a different person to
relate to, which would likely cause an even deeper divide with their partner.
A third point when considering alternatives
to monogamy is the issue of trust. If
you don’t trust your partner, don’t even consider non-monogamy. Jealousy and
insecurity are two big warning signs that there’s not enough trust for
non-monogamy in your relationship. I
suspect that 85-90% of couples fall into this category. It takes a lot of emotional maturity to allow
your partner to be with another person sexually and still maintain a loving
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Creating a healthy, loving non-monogamous
relationship is tricky business.
Essential components include trust, mutual love and respect, and open
communication. Maintaining open
communication means discussing the entire range of feelings you experience,
even if you’d rather not confess to them.
Both you and your partner must be willing to live and speak from an open
heart. I would recommend creating a
clear contract in advance, including a clause that invites re-negotiation on a
More from YourTango: Should You Stay Or Should You Go?
In my contemplation about all of this, I’ve
concluded that non-monogamy would work best in two cases. In the first, a couple deeply loves each
other and cherishes the companionship of the relationship but have different
sexual needs. In the second, both
partners consciously choose to change the paradigm of monogamy for themselves
and within their relationship. If you
fit into one of these categories, you may find a rich and varied world at your
feet. Just remember to practice safe