The Second Quesion of Monogamy

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The last time I wrote about monogamy it
prompted a lot of great comments, which led to even more questions.  The first question is:  is long term (20 or more years) monogamy a
natural state for humans?  The second
question becomes this:  if it’s not our
natural state, what are our options in a society that generally favors
monogamy?

I am in a long term monogamous relationship (22
years) so I’m probably not the best person to be pontificating on the benefits
of polyamory.  As my relationship has
become challenging again over the past few months, it has offered me the
opportunity to explore other options.  Our
first option was to go back into couples therapy, which we began two weeks
ago.  Other options include shaking
things up sexually.  Over the past few
years, we’ve discussed inviting a third person into our bed.  We have friends who are in an open
relationship, and I have some polyamorous friends, which coupled with some
research I’ve done, has led me to some conclusions about polyamory. 

More from YourTango: 5 Ways Abandonment Issues Can Ruin Your Relationships

First let me say that although long term
monogamy is not our natural state, there is absolutely nothing wrong with
making it your personal choice.  In fact,
I believe that tremendous growth and healing can come from a long term
monogamous relationship if both partners are committed to that growth.  You don’t have to be in exactly the same
place in your journeys, but it is important to be heading in the same
direction.  When one person wants to get
off the ride, the problems begin.