The Question of Monogamy

The chemicals secreted during orgasm had a
markedly different effect.  Dopamine, for
example, the main chemical secreted during orgasm, lights up the brain exactly
like heroin does for an addict.  Our
brains during orgasm are indistinguishable from the brains of people who are
addicted to drugs and alcohol.  Once the
dopamine levels drop, it leaves us edgy and irritable until our next fix.  When the person responsible for an influx of
oxytocin is the same person responsible for the influx of dopamine, we have a
conflict.

In long term relationships, the amount of
dopamine necessary to light us up and get us sexually aroused becomes greater over
time with the same partner.  This is
likely because the amounts of oxytocin and serotonin override the
dopamine.  Once again, great love and
great sex don’t seem to have a positive correlation.  In a recent article in Psychology Today, the
author suggests that monogamy in long term relationships feels like incest
because of this cocktail of chemicals in the brain.  It explains why sex becomes boring and
routine, and why play-acting helps to boost the eroticism in a long term
relationship.  When we play-act, we are
pretending to be someone different.

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All of this leads me to believe that if we
didn’t have social constraints against it, monogamy could rightly be considered
an idea whose time has passed.  Granted,
our chance of catching a communicable disease is much less when we pretend to
be with someone new than if we are actually with someone new.  That’s one good argument in favor of
monogamy. 

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The only other reasonable argument I’ve
heard is quite valid.  Most of us don’t
have the maturity, self confidence and trust toward our partner to feel safe in
a non-monogamous relationship.  If we
did, I believe that monogamy would soon be considered just another out-dated
idea.  If you consider that statement
heretic or outlandish, consider that a mere forty years ago pre-marital sex was
still considered to be taboo.  What might
another forty years bring us?