1. Acceptance: take a good hard look at your situation with objective eyes. Acknowledge what’s true and accept that you are in this situation so you can learn some kind of life lesson. With acceptance comes the possibility of loving what is.
2. Learn the lesson: whatever it is, it’s to teach you to love yourself more. Whatever version, whether it’s “I’m unworthy,” “I’m unlovable,” “nobody understands me” or something else, at it’s core it’s about learning to love yourself just as you are in this moment. Once we understand the lesson we can experience gratitude for the situation, even if it’s negative or painful. We can begin to learn how to love what is, even if it’s not what we might prefer.
3. Decide what someone who loved themselves more would do, and do that. For example, if you’re overweight from eating unhealthy food, you might decide that if you loved yourself more, you would cook healthy foods instead. Alternatively, you might decide that if you loved yourself more, you would make time to exercise five days a week.
4. Commit to doing that thing for one day. And then commit again the next day, and the next. It sounds trite, but it really is important to take it one day at a time. If you lay out a big plan for how you’re going to change your life, your ego will tell you all the reasons it won’t work and will try to sabotage you again. If you try it for just one day, you’ll find less resistance.
While you’re working on this new strategy, you can remind yourself that you’re learning how to love yourself more. You can focus on those things you already love about yourself, and express gratitude for their presence in your life. And you will find yourself, one day at a time, learning to love what is. Eventually, what is on the outside will be a beautiful reflection of the self-love you experience within.