Why It's Important To Be Nice

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It's important to be nice...it will make your relationships better. Here's a little formula to help!
  1. Notice when you're engaged in negative self-talk. That can be self-directed, as in "I'm so fat, I'll never lose this weight!" or other-directed, as in "he's never going to get a good job again in this economy." That's the catching part. Do You Talk Down To Yourself?
  2. Celebrate the fact that you noticed it. This is magical. Instead of beating yourself up for having negative thoughts, celebrate the fact that they're not flying under the radar, wreaking even more havoc in your life.
  3. Re-direct your thoughts. What else is possible? Make a list of these possibilities. Writing them in a journal is especially powerful, but even if you just think about them, this will work. This is called doing a "what if...up". Typically, our "what if" thoughts drag us down a negative road. This re-direct brings you into a more positive place.
  4. Muster up the feelings of at least one of these better possibilities. Allow yourself to feel better for at least 17 seconds. The Law of Attraction acts on the level of our deepest, most prevalent feelings. That explains a lot, now, doesn't it?
  5. Before the feelings start to wane, if the negative thoughts were self-directed, run to a mirror and look into your eyes. Smile and say, "I believe in you, and I love you." If the negative thoughts were directed at your partner, say to him, "I believe in you, and I love you." Even if you're not totally feeling it, say it. Or, say something like it that feels genuine and relevant to you. The Power of Positive Relationships

I do have to warn you: when you first begin this process, you might be shocked at how often you notice negative self talk. You might be tempted to be mean to yourself, or to tell yourself you're a horrible person. Resist that temptation! Continue to celebrate every time you notice a negative thought, even if it seems like all your thoughts are negative. Celebrating the noticing helps to re-train your brain and knocks the negative spiral off track. Being nice, both to yourself and to your partner, when you're going through challenging times will make the road a lot smoother.  

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