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How to Take Responsibility for Your Own Pleasure

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How to Take Responsibility for Your Own Pleasure

A recent survey conducted by iVillage discovered that less than half of all married women are satisfied with their sex lives. 81% say their sex lives are predictable, and only one in seven had experimented with something new in the past year. But it’s not because they don’t want sex: 58% of the women reported being “in the mood” within the past week.

Guess what, ladies? You can do something about this! I know we have been conditioned to let men take the lead. However, doing something the way you’ve always done it and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.

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Here’s how to take responsibility for your own sexual satisfaction:

1. Have more oral. I’m not talking about oral sex, I’m talking about talking. Have more conversations about what you like, want and need. Take time when you and your partner are relaxed and tell him that you want to have more sex, or more variety, or whatever it is that you want.

2. Show ‘n tell. When you’re in bed, show and tell him exactly what you want him to do. Be really clear when he does something you like: say “Oh, I really like when you touch me like that.” Hint: moaning is not a clear signal. They can’t be expected to interpret whether it’s pleasure or not.

3. Be bold! Try being the one to initiate sex. Most men will absolutely love it; they feel pressured to be the initiators and they’re often confused by your signals. That makes them less likely to approach you because they’re afraid of being rejected.

4. Do your homework. Go online, ask your girlfriends, or go to an adult novelty store. Find stuff that can help you have better sex, whether it’s a lube, a sex cream (I like the ones with L-Arginine the best), a vibrator, or even an article about how to stimulate your G-spot for better orgasms.

5. Practice, practice, practice. Have some solo sex, experimenting with different ways of pleasuring yourself. That will give you more ways to let your partner know what you really like. It will also give you more orgasms, and the more you orgasm, the more you want to orgasm. How fun is that?

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6. Give yourself a warm oil massage. In Indian tradition, this is called abhyanga. You heat up some sesame, sunflower or coconut oil and rub it into your entire body. Working from the feel up is energizing, while working from the head down is quieting. They’re both extremely relaxing.

#6 is intended to help you love your own body more. Women can be so self-critical that when they’re in bed, their man has no hope of pleasing them because they’re already so displeased with themselves. Next time I’ll share other ways you can come into a better relationship with your body and your being.

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